The approach to death can be a time of bonding and love, according to this warm-hearted self-helper.

Amani, a doula who advises the dying and their families, offers a holistic approach to end-of-life care that attends to the physical and spiritual needs of the terminally ill and their caregivers. She covers key topics in medical and nursing care, including hygiene, scheduling medications, using walkers and wheelchairs, drawing up living wills and bestowing medical power of attorney, communicating with doctors (always write down your questions and their answers, she advises), and the benefits of hospice care, which she strongly recommends. Amani suggests playing the dying person’s favorite music or watching a favorite sitcom on TV with them; helping commemorate their legacies by asking questions about their past; assembling photo albums, scrapbooks or personalized recipe books; helping them write or videotape testaments to loved ones; or just sitting in quiet communion with them. Caregivers must also tend to themselves as they journey through their own anxiety, exhaustion and grief, Amani emphasizes. She urges them to craft a self-care plan including everything from a taking few minutes daily for breathing and meditation to joining support groups, seeing a therapist, or taking a break for a few hours or weeks with the help of a professional respite-care agency. Amani distills a wealth of information and online resources into a slender, handy volume that’s brimming with hands-on procedures conveyed in lucid, straightforward prose. (“When assisting someone to move from a bed to a chair or wheelchair, maintain a firm grip and use your legs, not your back, to lift.”) She also writes in plain, moving terms of the possibility of love and bonding that comes with caring for a loved one. (“My mother had a keen sense of humor to the very end. No matter how downhearted she became, I could crack a joke or point out a ridiculous situation—and she invariably grinned or giggled.”) Readers girding themselves for the decline of a relative will find here much useful—and hopeful—wisdom.

An informative and reassuring handbook for navigating one of life’s most difficult passages.