THE NEW MALE SEXUALITY

The old performance model is out, replaced by a new model of sex that emphasizes ``pleasure, closeness, and self- and partner- enhancement''—or so says Oakland therapist Zilbergeld (The Shrinking of America, 1983, etc.). Pleasure takes practice, for doing what comes naturally is no guarantee of good sex, Zilbergeld counsels. Here, good sex is defined as feeling good about yourself, good about your partner, and good about what you're doing. As in Male Sexuality (1978), Zilbergeld includes many exercises—ranging from solo mental activities to practice sessions requiring a willing partner—that he's used regularly in his practice. In addition, he provides suggested scripts that give examples of how to talk to your partner. Zilbergeld examines the fantasy model of sex with some hilarious excerpts from bestselling novels by Harold Robbins, Erica Jong, and others before focusing on the real thing with black-and-white anatomical drawings and charts depicting male and female sexual response. With the basics out of the way, he moves on to his main concern: how to have better sex. The focus is on relationships and communication—becoming a good listener, asserting yourself, expressing yourself, etc. Specific sexual problems are considered, and exercises designed to resolve them are provided. Zilbergeld acknowledges that self-help may not be enough and directs difficult cases to a sex therapist. And lest the next generation have the same hang-ups as the present one, he includes a chapter of advice for fathers on talking to their sons about sex. Takes on tough problems and answers difficult-to-ask questions: comprehensive, forthright, and reassuring.