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WOULDN'T IT BE DEADLY

The two authors writing together as Ireland must have known that the tradeoff for a ready-made back story and brand-name...

A flower girl–turned–speech coach stops polishing vowels long enough to solve several murders in a series debut that picks up just short of where Shaw’s Pygmalion left off.

Eight months after her triumph at the Embassy Ball, Eliza Doolittle has learned enough from world-renowned speech expert Henry Higgins to go into business for herself—or at least as an assistant to Higgins’ chief rival, Emil Nepommuck. After a day of giving phonetic lessons to social climbers in London’s fashionable Belgrave Square, Eliza hears a noise in the dark as she’s leaving her office and is startled by someone rushing past her, leaving behind a gold button. Then, at a grand reception, Eliza witnesses a ruckus at the announcement of Nepommuck’s engagement to the Dowager Marchioness of Gresham, who’s easily twice the Hungarian count’s age. The nuptials, alas, are not to be: Eliza finds Nepommuck stabbed to death in his office and becomes the first suspect herself. Luckily for her, her cousin is the detective inspector on the case, and he releases her. His next suspect, however, is Higgins, who remains stubbornly secretive about where he was the day of the murder. He’s not the only one withholding information. Nepommuck was blackmailing people who were hiding secrets, and the list grows as Eliza tries to find the owner of the mysterious button and clear Higgins. Even her pluck, as well as loving descriptions of Edwardian fashion and the presence of Col. Pickering and Freddy Eynsford Hill, can’t offset the tale’s feeble wit and soppy subplots. Fans of the original may be curious to know what happens next, but true Shaw devotees will wish they could unread this ill-conceived sequel, especially when it descends into slapstick and a denouement so clichéd that it’s even announced as such. 

The two authors writing together as Ireland must have known that the tradeoff for a ready-made back story and brand-name characters would be comparisons with the characters’ creator—but did they know how short they would fall?

Pub Date: Sept. 23, 2014

ISBN: 978-1-250-04935-3

Page Count: 336

Publisher: Minotaur

Review Posted Online: Sept. 17, 2014

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Oct. 1, 2014

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A CONSPIRACY OF BONES

Forget about solving all these crimes; the signal triumph here is (spoiler) the heroine’s survival.

Another sweltering month in Charlotte, another boatload of mysteries past and present for overworked, overstressed forensic anthropologist Temperance Brennan.

A week after the night she chases but fails to catch a mysterious trespasser outside her town house, some unknown party texts Tempe four images of a corpse that looks as if it’s been chewed by wild hogs, because it has been. Showboat Medical Examiner Margot Heavner makes it clear that, breaking with her department’s earlier practice (The Bone Collection, 2016, etc.), she has no intention of calling in Tempe as a consultant and promptly identifies the faceless body herself as that of a young Asian man. Nettled by several errors in Heavner’s analysis, and even more by her willingness to share the gory details at a press conference, Tempe launches her own investigation, which is not so much off the books as against the books. Heavner isn’t exactly mollified when Tempe, aided by retired police detective Skinny Slidell and a host of experts, puts a name to the dead man. But the hints of other crimes Tempe’s identification uncovers, particularly crimes against children, spur her on to redouble her efforts despite the new M.E.’s splenetic outbursts. Before he died, it seems, Felix Vodyanov was linked to a passenger ferry that sank in 1994, an even earlier U.S. government project to research biological agents that could control human behavior, the hinky spiritual retreat Sparkling Waters, the dark web site DeepUnder, and the disappearances of at least four schoolchildren, two of whom have also turned up dead. And why on earth was Vodyanov carrying Tempe’s own contact information? The mounting evidence of ever more and ever worse skulduggery will pull Tempe deeper and deeper down what even she sees as a rabbit hole before she confronts a ringleader implicated in “Drugs. Fraud. Breaking and entering. Arson. Kidnapping. How does attempted murder sound?”

Forget about solving all these crimes; the signal triumph here is (spoiler) the heroine’s survival.

Pub Date: March 17, 2020

ISBN: 978-1-9821-3888-2

Page Count: 352

Publisher: Scribner

Review Posted Online: Dec. 22, 2019

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 15, 2020

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THE WINNER

Irritatingly trite woman-in-periler from lawyer-turned-novelist Baldacci. Moving away from the White House and the white-shoe Washington law firms of his previous bestsellers (Absolute Power, 1996; Total Control, 1997), Baldacci comes up with LuAnn Tyler, a spunky, impossibly beautiful, white-trash truck stop waitress with a no-good husband and a terminally cute infant daughter in tow. Some months after the birth of Lisa, LuAnn gets a phone call summoning her to a make-shift office in an unrented storefront of the local shopping mall. There, she gets a Faustian offer from a Mr. Jackson, a monomaniacal, cross-dressing manipulator who apparently knows the winning numbers in the national lottery before the numbers are drawn. It seems that LuAnn fits the media profile of what a lottery winner should be—poor, undereducated but proud—and if she's willing to buy the right ticket at the right time and transfer most of her winnings to Jackson, she'll be able to retire in luxury. Jackson fails to inform her, however, that if she refuses his offer, he'll have her killed. Before that can happen, as luck would have it, LuAnn barely escapes death when one of husband Duane's drug deals goes bad. She hops on a first-class Amtrak sleeper to Manhattan with a hired executioner in pursuit. But executioner Charlie, one of Jackson's paid handlers, can't help but hear wedding bells when he sees LuAnn cooing with her daughter. Alas, a winning $100- million lottery drawing complicates things. Jackson spirits LuAnn and Lisa away to Sweden, with Charlie in pursuit. Never fear. Not only will LuAnn escape a series of increasingly violent predicaments, but she'll also outwit Jackson, pay an enormous tax bill to the IRS, and have enough left over to honeymoon in Switzerland. Too preposterous to work as feminine wish-fulfillment, too formulaic to be suspenseful. (Book-of-the-Month Club main selection)

Pub Date: Dec. 2, 1997

ISBN: 0-446-52259-7

Page Count: 528

Publisher: N/A

Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Oct. 15, 1997

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