I CANNOT CONTROL EVERYTHING FOREVER

An educator and author chronicles “several pregnancies and my daughter’s first four years.”

In her late 30s, Bloom gave birth to a daughter who was congenitally deaf and, at 13 months, diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. The much longed-for child was the result of the author’s fourth pregnancy. The first had ended in an early miscarriage; the second, a miscarriage at 13 weeks. Bloom terminated the third after prenatal testing determined that the fetus carried the gene for a devastating degenerative condition. In her affecting debut memoir, Bloom chronicles her experiences of pregnancy, childbirth, and child care, focusing on the technological interventions and assessments that provide information, present hard choices, and offer the illusion of control. She also explores the history of pregnancy tests, ultrasound technology, gene editing, in vitro fertilization, and diabetes diagnosis and treatment, including the glucose monitor and insulin pump that her daughter continuously wears. Technical advances are both astonishing and, ultimately, limited. “Pregnancy tests and ultrasounds,” she writes, “are not entirely dissimilar to works of art, in that all are crafted by people to reveal something about reality.” Overwhelmed by the “cascade of devices that save me and bury me,” Bloom has sought enlightenment through art of all mediums, from literature to painting. She was particularly struck by Louise Bourgeois’ painting I Go to Pieces: My Inner Life, on which Bourgeois embroidered the sentence, “I cannot control everything forever.” Genetic testing had confirmed that her daughter did not carry the feared degenerative disease. As for diabetes, medicine could not explain why it appeared in so young a child. Bloom is candid about the stress of caring for a child with special needs: With her husband working toward tenure, she gave up her job, devoting herself to her daughter’s constant care.

Thoughtful reflections on technology and humanity amid difficult parenting experiences.