``If you don't want to have any friends, follow these simple instructions.'' So begins Carlson's hilarious catalogue of crankiness, brattiness, snottiness, and just plain bad behavior. Be gloomy. Grab all the good toys for yourself. Be a bully. Cheat, tattle, and above all whine. ``When you play tag and someone tags you, lie, and say they missed.'' All of this will sound familiar to parents and children alike, but the author takes the perfect approach--one that manages to make such traits unappealing without ever sounding like she's finger-wagging. The illustrations are similarily light and humorous, with lots of appropriate facial expressions to back up the text of this slight but amusing book. (Picture book. 3-8)
