In le grand tour tradition of Kimbrough/Skinner, this wisecracking travel memoir about two ladies whose hearts were middle-aged and jauntily cynical about touring abroad. Each section of the European-Asian journal begins with a paragraph yclept ""The Dream."" cribbed from many-splendored travel brochures; then follows ""The Awakening"" with chapter and verse. From Nos bagages sont perdus in Paris, through ""Beer to the extent of one cylindrical container please"" (she got water) in Japan: to a frantic hunt for the lavadora in Mexico (which led the ladies to the washing machine department), the delights of Berlitz-ing abroad offer unforeseen challenges, inevitably there is le, malaise, and the author presents an original thesis--that there exists a distinct ratio between the severity of the distress and the distance from conveniences. Keep away from old castles--you may run into a German tour: authentic British raincoats wilt into coat mining inspector's outfits soon enough. The author concludes with a capsule guide on staying at home on under five dollars a day. The persistent effort to entertain is strained at times, but trust any travelling lady over thirty to enjoy--we did.