This consists mostly of psychological techniques recycled from Jard DeVille's Nice Guys Finish First (1979)--which are, if...

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LOVERS FOR LIFE: The Key to a Loving and Lasting Marriage

This consists mostly of psychological techniques recycled from Jard DeVille's Nice Guys Finish First (1979)--which are, if anything, more rigidly prescriptive when applied to marriage. Couples who hunger for ""psychospiritual intimacy"" are fed a great deal of nonsense about four ""patterns"" into which every individual must fall: ""Controlling,"" ""Entertaining,"" ""Supporting,"" and ""Comprehending."" From there the DeVilles--he a psychologist, she an educator, and both conductors of marriage workshops--project what happens when a partner is deprived of his (or her) natural stance, or ""comfort zone"": controllers, for example, are competitors who maintain strict control over their expressions of feeling (like Richard Nixon--and Bella Abzug). When forced out of that role, controllers turn first to autocratic behavior in a desperate attempt to regain lost control, and then to flight when all else fails. What to do, then, when conflict strikes? Avoidance is the magic word here: never force your spouse to a showdown over comfort zones; instead, dole out noncritical messages that have more to do with your feelings and needs than with the other's shortcomings (other psychologists dub these ""I-messages""). In sum, long on jargon, short on novelty.

Pub Date: July 24, 1980

ISBN: N/A

Page Count: -

Publisher: Morrow

Review Posted Online: N/A

Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 1, 1980