UNVEILING 11 RELATIONSHIP STYLES

Shared interests, not dating apps, are the key to finding love and friendship—and there’s an app for that, too.

Aljazeeri’s growing conviction that online socializing and “swipe culture” are contributing to a global epidemic of loneliness inspired him to search for a better way. This book, and a website and app called TerriTie, are the results of that search. The text opens with an overview of interpersonal relationships that emphasizes starting from within—in the author’s view, “The journey of finding compatible friends and partners begins with a deep understanding of oneself.” The 11 relationship styles the author discusses (which form the acronym “PICCK A SPICE”) include Playful, Intellectual, Creative, Culinary, Kind, Adventurous, Spiritual, Physical, Inspirational, Caring, and Empathetic. The style descriptions begin with “Moments You’ll Recognize,” vignettes about a hypothetical couple or pair of friends. The author then defines the style, summarizing anthropological, psychological, and biological research to discuss that style’s positive and problematic aspects. The chapters also include suggested activities (board game nights for Intellectual Connections couples; getting involved in community art projects for Creative Expression pairs), venue options, quotations, and questions for reflection. The last portion of the book describes the TerriTie app, with special promotional offers for readers and early adopters, and reviews the drawbacks and dangers of existing dating apps and websites based on a “swipe” system. Aljazeeri’s criticisms of these platforms include privacy concerns, the prevalence of ghosting, catfishing, and other scams, decision fatigue, bias, and a high rate of user dissatisfaction. His soon-to-launch app concept, “Pick a Place, then a Face,” focuses on connecting users in-person, based on shared interests rather than personal characteristics; the author asserts that shared experiences are “more likely to lead to lasting and fulfilling relationships.” The book concludes with a test that enables readers to identify their dominant relationship styles and asks questions about previous experiences with dating apps. (The styles test can also be taken online, but registration is required to see one’s results.) The text also includes a 42-page bibliography listing more than 600 references.

The parallel structure of the 11 relationship chapters means that a great deal of information that pertains to the formation of relationship bonds is repeated—for example, the neurotransmitter dopamine is referred to as a “feel-good hormone” in both the Playful Teasing and Creative Expression chapters. Even within the sections, the writing is often unnecessarily repetitive: “Dopamine, central to the brain’s reward system, plays a crucial role in creativity and pleasure. Dopamine is released during enjoyable activities… the release of dopamine provides a sense of pleasure and fulfillment.” The book contains a wealth of information, referencing everything from the work of psychologists such as John Gottman and Martin Seligman to prehistoric cave paintings and the Epic of Gilgamesh. However, the discussion sometimes reads as superficial and speculative, relying on phrases like “evidence suggests” and “may have.” The relationship-styles portion of the book is more theoretical than practical, while the abrupt change to a first-person, blatantly promotional writing style for the final sections is jarring.

Pop-psych for singles, plus a sales pitch.