When their realm is invaded by a tyrant determined to exterminate all magic, apprentice spellcasters/orphans Dirklus and Annah are caught between opposing armies of pirates, dwarves, knights, comically greedy merchants, big-hearted prostitutes and their conflicted feelings for each other.
Fans of Piers Anthony’s Xanth novels and Terry Pratchett’s comical fantasies are the ideal readership for this fractured-fairytale romp. In revenge for a witch’s humiliating hex that punished his sexual depredations, wicked King Archon obsessively crusades to destroy all magic-wielders. Young Dirklus and Annah are sent to safety on a spell-shrouded peninsula, where they grow up apprenticed to a haughty, detached wizard, seemingly more annoyed than anything else at the posturing mortals around him, especially a colony of über-capitalist merchants renown for their sweet onions (which, when hurled, can serve as stun weapons) and their beautiful daughters groomed to be the most pleasantly accommodating of prostitutes. When Archonians rather ineffectually invade the peninsula, they primarily succeed in carrying off the colony’s prized whore, Nooki, who happens to be Dirklus’ sweetheart. Dirklus goes on a careening rescue-quest, despite his barely controllable sorceries and tomboy Annah’s jealous insistence that she, not Nooki, is the right girl for him, never mind the gossip that the two apprentices are blood relatives. The abundant sexual repartee is charmingly bawdy in nonexplicit, old-school fashion, and Beach does well evoking the magical action in brief, slapstick-y brush-strokes, though rarely inspiring actual awe, just satisfied smirks (even if a horde of treelike giants are a shameless steal from J.R.R. Tolkien’s “ents”). While some of the punning-ly named characters could have used a bit more depth, they prove to be capable of surprising. Granted that a “to be continued…” shingle hangs at the end of the tale, Beach’s work avoids any cliffhanger endings to function neatly as a standalone. Even so, fantasy-genre readers with a penchant for sly stuff that never takes itself too seriously—and remains coyly naughty around the margins—won’t mind a return to Beach’s shores. Cheeky, tongue-in-cheek mock fantasy not without flaws, but captivates nonetheless.
Pub Date: Dec. 28, 2008
ISBN: 978-1440111877
Page Count: 315
Publisher: iUniverse
Review Posted Online: Oct. 3, 2011
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
With frank language and patient plotting, this gangly teen crush grows into a confident adult love affair.
Eleven years ago, he broke her heart. But he doesn’t know why she never forgave him.
Toggling between past and present, two love stories unfold simultaneously. In the first, Macy Sorensen meets and falls in love with the boy next door, Elliot Petropoulos, in the closet of her dad’s vacation home, where they hide out to discuss their favorite books. In the second, Macy is working as a doctor and engaged to a single father, and she hasn’t spoken to Elliot since their breakup. But a chance encounter forces her to confront the truth: what happened to make Macy stop speaking to Elliot? Ultimately, they’re separated not by time or physical remoteness but by emotional distance—Elliot and Macy always kept their relationship casual because they went to different schools. And as a teen, Macy has more to worry about than which girl Elliot is taking to the prom. After losing her mother at a young age, Macy is navigating her teenage years without a female role model, relying on the time-stamped notes her mother left in her father’s care for guidance. In the present day, Macy’s father is dead as well. She throws herself into her work and rarely comes up for air, not even to plan her upcoming wedding. Since Macy is still living with her fiance while grappling with her feelings for Elliot, the flashbacks offer steamy moments, tender revelations, and sweetly awkward confessions while Macy makes peace with her past and decides her future.
With frank language and patient plotting, this gangly teen crush grows into a confident adult love affair.Pub Date: April 10, 2018
ISBN: 978-1-5011-2801-1
Page Count: 416
Publisher: Gallery Books/Simon & Schuster
Review Posted Online: Jan. 22, 2018
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2018
Heartfelt and funny, this enemies-to-lovers romance shows that the best things in life are all-inclusive and nontransferable...
An unlucky woman finally gets lucky in love on an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii.
From getting her hand stuck in a claw machine at age 6 to losing her job, Olive Torres has never felt that luck was on her side. But her fortune changes when she scores a free vacation after her identical twin sister and new brother-in-law get food poisoning at their wedding buffet and are too sick to go on their honeymoon. The only catch is that she’ll have to share the honeymoon suite with her least favorite person—Ethan Thomas, the brother of the groom. To make matters worse, Olive’s new boss and Ethan’s ex-girlfriend show up in Hawaii, forcing them both to pretend to be newlyweds so they don’t blow their cover, as their all-inclusive vacation package is nontransferable and in her sister’s name. Plus, Ethan really wants to save face in front of his ex. The story is told almost exclusively from Olive’s point of view, filtering all communication through her cynical lens until Ethan can win her over (and finally have his say in the epilogue). To get to the happily-ever-after, Ethan doesn’t have to prove to Olive that he can be a better man, only that he was never the jerk she thought he was—for instance, when she thought he was judging her for eating cheese curds, maybe he was actually thinking of asking her out. Blending witty banter with healthy adult communication, the fake newlyweds have real chemistry as they talk it out over snorkeling trips, couples massages, and a few too many tropical drinks to get to the truth—that they’re crazy about each other.
Heartfelt and funny, this enemies-to-lovers romance shows that the best things in life are all-inclusive and nontransferable as well as free.Pub Date: May 14, 2019
ISBN: 978-1-5011-2803-5
Page Count: 416
Publisher: Gallery Books/Simon & Schuster
Review Posted Online: March 2, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: March 15, 2019
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