EVERYTHING/NOTHING/SOMEONE

A memoir of mental illness from the daughter of actor Mathieu Carrière and artist Jennifer Bartlett.

Alice Carrière’s childhood was underscored by the wealth, power, and notoriety of her parents along with the idiosyncrasies and aloofness that these markers often confer. In her literary debut, she establishes the push and pull of her mother, father, and beloved Nanny, “the British governess paid to raise me,” a motherly figure “who could be fired and disappear at any moment.” Each struggled with their own backgrounds of trauma, from indoctrination in perverse cultural movements to up-close encounters with suicide. The inheritance of these scars—and the attendant distance and inappropriateness—contributed to the author’s mental illness, which included self-harm, first inflicted at age 7. “With a tiny, shiny blade I learned I could unlock a doorway that led to a place that was entirely my own, even if I could only stay there for a moment within those seconds of pain,” she recalls. Throughout this visceral text, the author propels readers forward with the gut-wrenching descriptions of her struggles and how they were exacerbated by the lack of a recognizable support system. Meanwhile, she artfully establishes an equally disturbing undercurrent: the sucker punch of egregious malpractice to which she was subjected by a series of doctors who overprescribed a number of powerful drugs and mismanaged therapy sessions. It can be difficult to ignore the advantages of Carrière’s privilege—e.g., lengthy stays at expensive inpatient facilities, the ability to drop in and out of elite universities—but her artistic prowess and determination to unearth and interpret the true narrative arc of her life and healing shine through. “Things only became real when they were turned into language,” she writes, and “that language was often the only thing left when that reality fell apart.” This book is the exemplification of that ideal, rendering real and poignant her experience—both material and interior—in stunning prose.

A spellbinding memoir.