A self-help book that upends the myth of perfect partnerships.
Nerenberg, an experienced psychologist specializing in addiction and relationships, says, “Our culture endlessly promotes the illusion of relationship perfection through movies, TV, and even our use of social media.” She uses the term “perfectly imperfect” to define the book’s ideal outcomes for readers. We all have flaws and imperfections, but accepting and understanding those imperfections will help readers improve their relationships. She emphasizes that all long-term bonds encounter ruptures and repairs. Nerenberg uses pop culture references to create a conversational tone and relies on case studies to give concrete examples of successful strategies. For example, she refers to the Alcoholic Anonymous concept of “character defects” to help couples recognize their own unhelpful reactions, like resentment, anger, or self-pity, that undermine their communication. In describing one couple’s journey, Nerenberg writes, “Once the illusion of a perfect relationship was shattered, they began to participate in the hard work of building an honest, more genuine connection.” Nerenberg also shares candid accounts of her own experiences to demonstrate some of her lessons, and this vulnerability strengthens her message. Each chapter ends with a series of exercises (e.g., the reader is asked to list one way they have helped and one way they have hurt their current and past relationships in order to understand their own behavior). Though the takeaways, like limiting social media and setting boundaries, aren’t necessarily new, they are enhanced with practical exercises and compelling personal accounts.
An accessible, clear guide on maintaining realistic relationship goals.