A practical, enjoyable guide to forming rewarding romantic relationships.
There is a scientific theory behind the ways we approach and develop adult relationships, write neuroscientist Levine and social psychologist Heller, and understanding how it works will help you find the right mate—or improve your existing partnership.
Adult attachment theory, which was pioneered in the 1950s by British psychoanalyst John Bowlby, posits that human beings are genetically predisposed toward coupling, and that a secure partnership is essential to our emotional and physical well-being. According to the authors, we all have a particular “attachment style” that governs our actions and attitudes toward romantic interaction. The ideal, and most prevalent, attachment style is “secure.” A person with a secure style feels that his partner provides a loving and supportive “secure base,” and that he can provide that same emotional security in return. The authors suggest that human beings are by nature social creatures, and that even when we crave independence, it's the presence of a secure partner that allows us to explore the world on our own—this is called the “dependency paradox.” The other two attachment styles, “anxious” and “avoidant,” are the major focus of this book. In clear terms, Levine and Heller explain how we can diagnose our attachment style and what steps can be taken to combat its negative effects. For example, someone with an anxious attachment style has a different view toward intimacy and communication (anxious types tend to obsess over relationships and worry about their affection being reciprocated) than someone with an avoidant attachment style (who tend to minimize closeness and undermine emotional connection). The analysis of each attachment style is accompanied by a set of behavior patterns and real-life anecdotes to provide the reader with relatable social context. The authors write that, despite one's age or experience, change is possible, and with the right mind-set, even those who feel defeated by dating—or are stuck in an unsatisfying relationship—can find a solid partnership.
A practical, enjoyable guide to forming rewarding romantic relationships.Pub Date: Jan. 1, 2011
ISBN: 978-1-58542-848-9
Page Count: 304
Publisher: TarcherPerigee
Review Posted Online: Sept. 29, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Oct. 15, 2010
If the authors are serious, this is a silly, distasteful book. If they are not, it’s a brilliant satire.
The authors have created a sort of anti-Book of Virtues in this encyclopedic compendium of the ways and means of power.
Everyone wants power and everyone is in a constant duplicitous game to gain more power at the expense of others, according to Greene, a screenwriter and former editor at Esquire (Elffers, a book packager, designed the volume, with its attractive marginalia). We live today as courtiers once did in royal courts: we must appear civil while attempting to crush all those around us. This power game can be played well or poorly, and in these 48 laws culled from the history and wisdom of the world’s greatest power players are the rules that must be followed to win. These laws boil down to being as ruthless, selfish, manipulative, and deceitful as possible. Each law, however, gets its own chapter: “Conceal Your Intentions,” “Always Say Less Than Necessary,” “Pose as a Friend, Work as a Spy,” and so on. Each chapter is conveniently broken down into sections on what happened to those who transgressed or observed the particular law, the key elements in this law, and ways to defensively reverse this law when it’s used against you. Quotations in the margins amplify the lesson being taught. While compelling in the way an auto accident might be, the book is simply nonsense. Rules often contradict each other. We are told, for instance, to “be conspicuous at all cost,” then told to “behave like others.” More seriously, Greene never really defines “power,” and he merely asserts, rather than offers evidence for, the Hobbesian world of all against all in which he insists we live. The world may be like this at times, but often it isn’t. To ask why this is so would be a far more useful project.
If the authors are serious, this is a silly, distasteful book. If they are not, it’s a brilliant satire.Pub Date: Sept. 1, 1998
ISBN: 0-670-88146-5
Page Count: 430
Publisher: Viking
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 15, 1998
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Readers unfamiliar with the anecdotal material Greene presents may find interesting avenues to pursue, but they should...
Greene (The 33 Strategies of War, 2007, etc.) believes that genius can be learned if we pay attention and reject social conformity.
The author suggests that our emergence as a species with stereoscopic, frontal vision and sophisticated hand-eye coordination gave us an advantage over earlier humans and primates because it allowed us to contemplate a situation and ponder alternatives for action. This, along with the advantages conferred by mirror neurons, which allow us to intuit what others may be thinking, contributed to our ability to learn, pass on inventions to future generations and improve our problem-solving ability. Throughout most of human history, we were hunter-gatherers, and our brains are engineered accordingly. The author has a jaundiced view of our modern technological society, which, he writes, encourages quick, rash judgments. We fail to spend the time needed to develop thorough mastery of a subject. Greene writes that every human is “born unique,” with specific potential that we can develop if we listen to our inner voice. He offers many interesting but tendentious examples to illustrate his theory, including Einstein, Darwin, Mozart and Temple Grandin. In the case of Darwin, Greene ignores the formative intellectual influences that shaped his thought, including the discovery of geological evolution with which he was familiar before his famous voyage. The author uses Grandin's struggle to overcome autistic social handicaps as a model for the necessity for everyone to create a deceptive social mask.
Readers unfamiliar with the anecdotal material Greene presents may find interesting avenues to pursue, but they should beware of the author's quirky, sometimes misleading brush-stroke characterizations.Pub Date: Nov. 13, 2012
ISBN: 978-0-670-02496-4
Page Count: 320
Publisher: Viking
Review Posted Online: Sept. 12, 2012
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Oct. 1, 2012
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