RAISING SIBLINGS

Written by professional counselors--the parents of four--in an over-the-back-fence tone, this is yet another guide for turning ""Cain and Mabel"" squabblers into more cooperative, mutually respectful siblings. The Calladines use group therapy principles built on the central TA construct (id-ego-super ego/child-adult-parent) as the basis for a happier family life, and their suggestions are workable if not wholly original. For example, don't introduce a new baby as a playmate (playtime is too far away) but do provide a doll for acting out. Don't allow physical abuse but do expect children to work out their differences by themselves. Spend some time each day alone with each child and provide some privacy breaks for your partner as well. The Calladines believe in contracts; call on a less useful concept, the six Cs (control, clarity, constancy, cooperation, commitment, charisma), in many cases; and tend to play down root causes and concentrate on technique--but without the intricate word-play of P.E.T. and similar programs. Several specific ideas are well worth trying (have a game closet sign-out with a three-toy limit), and their methods will appeal even to those who don't fully subscribe to the TA philosophy. They won't end all conflicts but they should lower the volume and improve the picture.