BETTER BOYS, BETTER MEN

An impassioned argument for asserting a more sensitive model of masculinity to better equip men to meet the emotional challenges of our modern world.

Reiner explores how outdated ideas of masculinity have been holding men back from meeting their full potential while also triggering increased acts of violence, feelings of isolation, and spiking rates of depression and suicide. Shedding light on increasingly hypermasculine recreational activities, including aggressive team sports and violent video games, he counters this by explaining how the women’s movement has gained productive force through strong support networks and increased emotional resiliency. “Whether or not the Future Is Female,” writes the author, “the sad reality is that the Now of Males is decidedly bleak. This is why it’s time we start leaning into and learning from these emerging models of masculinity. If we don’t, boys and men will continue to stagnate and fall behind. Or worse.” Reiner recalls personal struggles from his childhood and how they have influenced his parenting of a young son. Throughout, he recounts discussions with therapists and educators and cites a number of academic studies and the writings of popular self-help authors such as Brené Brown and Tony Robbins. These passages are less rigorous than some readers may desire. More memorable are Reiner’s case studies of men of all ages, including his own students and a group of prisoners attending an ongoing experimental group encounter session. (Note: The author’s research involves almost exclusively heterosexual men.) Though Reiner doesn’t offer a comprehensive game plan and includes few groundbreaking insights, he mounts an enthusiastic appeal for a collective approach toward achieving a new form of masculinity. “We need to learn how to extend ourselves to and support one another in ways that, historically, men haven’t felt comfortable or safe doing or haven’t felt permission to do,” he writes. “We need to replace unnecessary competition in our interactions with a proprietary sense of responsibility.”

An adequate jumping-off point for men willing to put in the work of self-evaluation.