Dying to Live

Life coach Chaleff offers a self-help book on how confronting the inevitability of death can enrich one’s life.

The author, a professional mentor and life coach, follows up The Connection Playbook (2023) with a book about “learning to live with the awareness of death.” The chapters roughly follow the chronological evolution of his thoughts and experiences regarding the subject over the course of his life. He writes that his awareness of his complex feelings surrounding death began with the sudden loss of a beloved dog at age 6. In his teens, he says, the notion of death’s finality caused him significant fear and anxiety. At the age of 20, after his mother was killed by a drunk driver, the pain and senselessness of that loss caused him to leave the United States and embark on a lifelong spiritual journey: “I realized that my mother’s spirit could continue to live on through my actions and the choices I made.” In brief but thought-provoking chapters, he explores questions about religion, pain, fear, and uncertainty, and touches on the concept of suicide. A recurring theme is that facing the inevitability, and the many unknowns, of death can lead to an improved quality of life. Each chapter ends with three open-ended prompts, designed to promote thought and reflection, ranging from “Think about your first encounter with loss. How did it shape your understanding of grief and mortality?” to “How can you integrate the practice of living each day as if it were your last into your daily routine?” Chaleff effectively supports his belief that “confronting our innermost fears serves as a catalyst for healing” by discussing his own success in coming to terms with early losses and fears. His experiences with traditional therapies, involving mentors, mindfulness, and meditation, as well as alternative treatments, such as holotropic breathwork, illustrate the importance of hard work and patience. Ideas about life and death from such philosophies as stoicism and existentialism are explained clearly and succinctly for those who may be unfamiliar. The guidebook format also helpfully enables readers to tackle the subject matter in any order and at any pace.

A thoughtful book about a difficult topic.