I NEVER DO THIS

A young woman held in police custody tells her life story to delay imprisonment in Miller’s novel.

Narrated with a noirish sensibility, the novel follows a 27-year-old woman named LaDene Faye Howell as she recounts the tale of how and why she’s currently in police custody. On August 12 she went on a crime spree with her second cousin, Bobby Frank, who had recently been paroled. Bobby’s section of the family tree is known to sprout criminals. Born and raised in small-town Devola, Ohio, LaDene grew up the youngest of three sisters with an elder brother who died fighting in Afghanistan. Although she emphasizes her seemingly quiet nature in comparison to her troublemaking sisters, over the course of the novel we learn that LaDene became pregnant at the age of 15 by Bernard O’Brien, a senior who’s considerably more well off than the working-class Howell family. LaDene is immediately sent to a hyper-religious boarding school called New Dawn Ministry to ride out the rest of her pregnancy. Most of the novel focuses on this pivotal time and reveals how she eventually hooked up with Bobby. LaDene’s narration is full of personality and flair. Miller has crafted a compelling cast of characters, from LaDene’s churchgoing family to her fellow pregnant classmates at New Dawn Ministry to the overbearing faculty who ruthlessly rule the school. Even the humorous description of the crimes she committed with Bobby is rendered in engaging detail. Overall, this is a slow-burning read that takes a while to heat up as LaDene recalls long stretches of her life. Eventually, however, the novel culminates in a riveting open-ended denouement that leaves LaDene’s fate up in the air.

Everyone from casual readers to the staunchest of mystery fans will find something to enjoy in this quick—and quick-witted—read.