ALICE'S BRADY BUNCH COOKBOOK

What is there to say about a cookbook whose the author openly admits, ``Personally, I can't cook''? Davis, who played the ever- devoted housekeeper, Alice, on The Brady Bunch, supplies fatuous commentary (``A nice show about nice people who were mostly very nice to each other. Gosh, that doesn't sound so terrible, does it?''), along with updates on each of the cast members (Christopher Knight, who played Peter, has appeared on ``The Love Boat,'' as has his TV sibling Maureen McCormick, better known as Marcia). Lines from episodes are plopped onto the page without any context. Recipes by playwright Newcomer (co-founder of the Scottsdale Culinary Festival) and theatrical director Smolen are linked to the show only through nonsensical names like ``Cindy's Buttery Just Butter Cookies'' and ``House of Cards Hamburgers.'' Apparently Alice rarely served the kids any fruits or vegetables. Dishes are heavy on prepared foods (many desserts incorporate store-bought candy) and red meat (Sam the Butcher's influence, no doubt), but if these are meant to reflect the Brady era, where do pesto and Brie come in? Cookies made with instant oatmeal and Snickers bars are way too sweet, and St. Paddy's Whole Wheat Oatmeal Bread has the texture of sawdust and a dog-biscuit taste only Tiger could love. A final chapter gives recipes from the cast members themselves, including Eve Plumb's lamely joking instructions for making boiled water out of ice. Even intense nostalgia cannot justify this book. (Photos, not seen)