ME, MY MOTHER, MY LIFE

Adeniola examines her relationship with her mother in this self-help book.

As a young Christian in southwestern Nigeria, author Adeniola at times felt a sense of alienation from her family. Born in England, she loved her mother but was perplexed by her conduct. As a child, Adeniola was singled out for verbal and physical abuse and punishment by her parents. The author had high aspirations, and although she received distinctions in her classes, her mother was dissatisfied and criticized her excessively. Originally planning a career in medicine, the author pursued estate management at Obafemi Awolowo University in Ife. Her mother, a nurse, moved to Saudi Arabia, leaving Adeniola and her sister on their own. Although the narrator made wise use of funds entrusted to her, when her mother returned to visit, she wrongly accused Adeniola of swindling her. Eventually, the author left Nigeria, moving first to London and then to Bath, beginning an arduous journey of healing and understanding. The author writes with honesty and tenderness about her life and relationships. The book provides insights into Adeniola’s cultural background and the grim living circumstances in Nigeria under the military government’s Structural Adjustment Programme. At the core is her relationship with her mother, who vacillated in her approach to parenting—love and trust coupled with rejection and distrust. Among the mother’s odd behaviors was the habit of discussing nauseating details of patient injuries during meals, which ruined everyone’s appetite and reinforced her control. Overall, this is a story of family dysfunction and twisted dynamics in which a particular family member (in this case, Adeniola) was targeted as the scapegoat. Parts of the story are painful to read, and the author deftly explains how to establish boundaries to halt the cycle of blame. The book may help others coming to terms with unhealthy associations in their family of origin.

A well-written personal tale of a woman’s trials of the spirit and her passage to healing.