LOVE AT THE HELM

In 1815, Capt. Conrad Horn is happy to learn that he's getting command of the Invincible--a big new ship being sent to protect West Indies trade routes from US privateers. He's unhappy to learn, however, that on board will be the fiancÉe of old Lord Grammell, governor of Antigua--Lady Delora Horn, the captain's second cousin; he's never met her, but he hates her loathsome brother. With that opening, Cartland fans can write the rest themselves (and probably write it better than Cartland, who's rarely been so flat, yucky, or ungrammatical). Horn and Delora swoon at first sight, of course. It turns out that Delora's brother (with the pursestrings) is forcing her into marriage with hideous Lord G. The cousins, though fighting their longing for each other, do kiss (""But it. . . did happen. . . and I know now that I. . . love you""). Horn is wounded in sea battle, nearly loses a leg, and is nursed by Delora. And once on Antigua, the cousins' impossible love becomes possible when a giant, mistreated ""negro"" kills both Lord G. and Delora's brother by bashing their ""faces against each other."" Only for the Lady in Pink's most adoring admirers--though it should probably be added that ""the proceeds of this novel will be in support"" of the Mountbatten Memorial Trust.