THROUGH THE CLOSET DOOR

An elder lesbian shares her journey of self-discovery in this debut memoir.

“I was raised as a very devout Catholic, believing that homosexuals were going to Hell—forever,” writes Wilson in opening lines that provide a backdrop for the rest of the book. Even while she questioned her faith as a music major in college in the 1960s, Catholicism continued to shape the author’s actions, from accepting a paid position as music director at a Catholic parish to reporting a friend for homosexual activity to college authorities. Yet, despite the rigid moral code of her upbringing, Wilson had sexually experimented with her high school girl friend (something neither one “mentioned or repeated” in subsequent meetings). This denial of her own sexual orientation continued into adulthood, when she moved from the Midwest to California to work as a teacher. She met various guys along the way, some of whom she even “dreamt about marrying and having a family with,” but she remained single. Not until decades later was she forced to confront her sexuality after meeting her neighbor, an open and vocal lesbian with whom she shared a mutual attraction. The book’s final chapters center around Wilson’s budding relationship with a divorced mother of three teenage sons in the late 1980s. An intimate memoir, the work effectively captures the role that religion played in stifling the author’s sense of self, even as she asserts her belief in God today (though it’s a different version from the faith of her upbringing). While critical of the Catholicism that shaped her childhood, particularly its hypocritical emphasis on punishment for select sins, Wilson affords various priests, nuns, and her parents a nuanced analysis that acknowledges advancements since the 1960s. The book ends abruptly with Wilson coming out to her now-wife, Sandra, leaving readers anticipating the next volume, which will look back at the two navigating parenthood and life as a lesbian couple in the anti-gay milieu of the late 1980s and 1990s.

A personal, honest coming-out story.