The Bottom Line From Upper Space
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Aliens bring bad news for sexy earthlings in this otherworldly, tongue-in-cheek romp.

Evan Wallace Simon’s life as a single, 40-something writer and reluctant Angeleno stargazer takes a drastic turn after he is contacted by an intelligent alien life-form seeking earthly reform. Valdek, a wise, philosophical priest of the Vi-Kalderians, intends to use him as a vehicle to speak to the people of Earth about the consequences of their destructive behavior. Valdek believes the people of Earth have become pollutive, overindulgent and irresponsible with their bodies (their genitalia, specifically), which could cause planetary overcrowding and the forced migration of earthlings carrying their careless behaviors to other galaxies, like the one containing Valdek’s heretofore undiscovered planet, Vi-Kal-Der. His message is spread through a variety of involuntary messengers, like Simon, with the hope that change can be implemented before Genitalia Out of Control (GOOC) is reached. Reiterating his cautionary procreation-message through fantasy training at the mall and regressive therapy at home, our hero, together with best friend Myles and new love Cassie, sets out to spread the good word of the all-knowing Valdek to a disbelieving English professor and various media outlets. This creates worldwide hysteria and conspiracy theories, especially after a threat is delivered about abstaining from sex on Halloween night or, as punishment, suffering debilitating headaches. Will Earth join the ecologically balanced United Galactic Alliance of Planets in time for Simon and Cassie to enjoy a spaceship ride with Valdek on New Year’s Eve? Gaines incorporates plenty of exposition into his sexually charged satire, and while a good portion of the details amount to minutiae orbiting a cosmos of goofy acronyms, those are the key ingredients that make this debut effervesce. There’s nothing mind-bending or complex here, just easy entertainment for readers who like their erotic, extraterrestrial science fiction on the light and fluffy side.

Creatively powered silliness with cautionary undertones.

Pub Date: Aug. 7th, 2011
Page count: 411pp
Program: Kirkus Indie
Review Posted Online:
Kirkus Reviews Issue: June 1st, 2012