HYPHEN-ME

A Filipino expatriate explores cultural differences in this memoir.

Long came of age in Alumnos in the Philippines—a “sleepy little village by the sea” where great poverty was the norm but neighbors still shared what little they had. As a child raised by his mother and grandmother, he witnessed extreme violence and depravity but also developed the cultural tradition of collectivism: a community-focused mindset that made everyone stronger. When the author moved to the Los Angeles suburbs as a teenager in 1975 to live with his loving mother and kind American stepfather, he experienced culture shock in a number of ways. He barely spoke English, had always been disinterested in school, and was thrown by the individualistic mindset of most Americans—that you were “solely responsible” for your own “success or failure.” As Long adapted to life in the United States, he began to reconcile the two mindsets into a system that worked for him. Obstacles abounded: The author’s high school girlfriend became pregnant, and Long recalls that their subsequent marriage revealed her copious issues with mental health and addiction. The author’s career in the military supported his loved ones but also took him away from them for long periods of time. And as Long became interested in furthering his education, he had to balance class assignments and studying with work and parenthood. Eventually, he enjoyed a successful career in sales and a new relationship. In this final installment of his two-volume memoir, Long deftly and thoroughly explores the collectivist and individualist mindsets through the lens of his own compelling journey, one that spanned several continents, two serious romantic partners, and various education and career paths. Proving that the only consistency in life is change, the author balances anecdotes and analysis as he shares stories of adolescent funerals, training missions in German forests, and domestic life in military housing. His path to professional success and personal fulfillment was rife with twists and turns, and his evolution from wild child to responsible adult is a worthy blueprint for those struggling with their own purpose in life.

A captivating and personal deep dive that contrasts individualism and collectivism.