YOU'VE CHANGED

Rip it up and start again.

Denizet-Lewis foregrounds a complex, contested idea—“the possibility and mystery of change”—in this diligently reported look at the experiences of people who’ve experienced vast shifts at home, at work, and elsewhere. The author and New York Times Magazine contributing writer contends we’re in “the most dramatic wave of personal change” in a half-century, one intensified by social media. His profiles of Americans who’ve embraced “political conversions, name changes, gender transitions,” and various “pivots” are revealing and shorn of pat conclusions. Numerous interesting questions emerge, among them: What’s the relationship between “actual” and “perceived” change? Denizet-Lewis’ reporting shows that murderers appearing before parole boards are expected to perform contrition while hewing “to a familiar script grounded in American ideals of forgiveness and redemption.” The subject of another chapter—a schoolyard bully-turned-Buddhist—makes a related point: “Any identity is a kind of performance.” The author’s other subjects include activists trying to change political views via long, thoughtful conversations with conservative and undecided voters. Such “deep canvassing,” which emphasizes “empathy, storytelling, and nonjudgmental listening” expresses “defiance of despair.” His reporting on gender transitions is equally powerful. The mother of a transgender woman says the journey helped her daughter rediscover her “playful, artsy, sensitive” side. A formerly transgender person laments that “detrans folks” are frequently labeled as “bigots lying about our experiences.” The above is interwoven with colorful accounts of Denizet-Lewis’ own attempts to change his “addictive behavior.” During “rage work,” a therapist encouraged him to beat photos of his parents with a baseball bat. The book’s minor flaws include missed opportunities to add context. It’d be interesting to know, for example, if more paroles are granted after in-person hearings, which ostensibly allow for richer demonstrations of change, versus now-common virtual hearings.

A thought-provoking consideration of how and why people reinvent themselves.