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What's Your Lane?

CAREER CLARITY FOR MOMS WHO WANT TO WORK A LITTLE, A LOT OR NOT AT ALL

Most parents could benefit from reading this smart, insightful guide about the realities of creating a work/life balance.

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A work of nonfiction by a certified career coach designed to help mothers decide which post-baby career path is right for them.

Abdilla identifies seven career lanes ranging from forgoing income and staying home with the kids to continuing to work full time and arranging for child care. Her tone is both warm and no-nonsense, and reading her advice feels like listening to a trusted friend who just happens to have a leg up on life experience. While she immediately comes across as an authority on juggling motherhood and career management, she’s also refreshingly realistic, admitting in her introduction, “We all screw ourselves in one way or another when it comes to our set up at home and our careers.” Her detailed descriptions of the pros and cons of each “lane” bring into relief common-sense arguments that might not be apparent to emotional and overwhelmed parents-to-be. In the chapter titled “The Slow Lane,” Abdilla notes that although working reduced hours might seem like the ideal solution for a career-minded mom, “You might condense a full-time job into less pay and have fewer hours to accomplish it.” While the specificity of the scenarios Abdilla outlines allows parents to decide which lane is best for them, it also means that readers will be able to skip inapplicable sections. There’s enough general information, however, to make the whole book a worthwhile read for most new parents. Interactive exercises are helpful and straightforward; some include sample answers to guide readers in completing them. Abdilla also offers information about her own past to help readers see how a person’s history influences his or her parenting style. A chapter about dividing household chores in a way that feels fair to both parents could be useful for any couple.

Most parents could benefit from reading this smart, insightful guide about the realities of creating a work/life balance.

Pub Date: April 9, 2013

ISBN: 978-1481904513

Page Count: 166

Publisher: CreateSpace

Review Posted Online: Aug. 6, 2013

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 1, 2013

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HOW NOT TO HATE YOUR HUSBAND AFTER KIDS

A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after...

Self-help advice and personal reflections on avoiding spousal fights while raising children.

Before her daughter was born, bestselling author Dunn (Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?: And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask, 2009, etc.) enjoyed steady work and a happy marriage. However, once she became a mother, there never seemed to be enough time, sleep, and especially help from her husband. Little irritations became monumental obstacles between them, which led to major battles. Consequently, they turned to expensive couples' therapy to help them regain some peace in life. In a combination of memoir and advice that can be found in most couples' therapy self-help books, Dunn provides an inside look at her own vexing issues and the solutions she and her husband used to prevent them from appearing in divorce court. They struggled with age-old battles fought between men and women—e.g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. What Dunn learned via therapy, talks with other parents, and research was that there is no perfect solution to the many dynamics that surface once couples become parents. But by using time-tested techniques, she and her husband learned to listen, show empathy, and adjust so that their former status as a happy couple could safely and peacefully morph into a happy family. Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained—all without spending lots of money on couples’ therapy.

A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child.

Pub Date: March 21, 2017

ISBN: 978-0-316-26710-6

Page Count: 272

Publisher: Little, Brown

Review Posted Online: Jan. 17, 2017

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2017

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DAD'S MAYBE BOOK

A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.

Ruminations and reminiscences of an author—now in his 70s—about fatherhood, writing, and death.

O’Brien (July, July, 2002, etc.), who achieved considerable literary fame with both Going After Cacciato (1978) and The Things They Carried (1990), returns with an eclectic assembly of pieces that grow increasingly valedictory as the idea of mortality creeps in. (The title comes from the author’s uncertainty about his ability to assemble these pieces in a single volume.) He begins and ends with a letter: The initial one is to his first son (from 2003); the terminal one, to his two sons, both of whom are now teens (the present). Throughout the book, there are a number of recurring sections: “Home School” (lessons for his sons to accomplish), “The Magic Show” (about his long interest in magic), and “Pride” (about his feelings for his sons’ accomplishments). O’Brien also writes often about his own father. One literary figure emerges as almost a member of the family: Ernest Hemingway. The author loves Hemingway’s work (except when he doesn’t) and often gives his sons some of Papa’s most celebrated stories to read and think and write about. Near the end is a kind of stand-alone essay about Hemingway’s writings about war and death, which O’Brien realizes is Hemingway’s real subject. Other celebrated literary figures pop up in the text, including Elizabeth Bishop, Andrew Marvell, George Orwell, and Flannery O’Connor. Although O’Brien’s strong anti-war feelings are prominent throughout, his principal interest is fatherhood—specifically, at becoming a father later in his life and realizing that he will miss so much of his sons’ lives. He includes touching and amusing stories about his toddler sons, about the sadness he felt when his older son became a teen and began to distance himself, and about his anguish when his sons failed at something.

A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.

Pub Date: Oct. 14, 2019

ISBN: 978-0-618-03970-8

Page Count: 384

Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

Review Posted Online: July 27, 2019

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 15, 2019

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