DISCORD’S APPLE

A fantasy novel that combines modern apocalypse (or close to it), Greek mythology and Roman domestic life…and doesn’t work on any level.

The apple of the title is The Apple, the one that started the Trojan War. It seems that it’s being kept in a basement storehouse in Hopes Fort, Colo., guarded by Frank Walker, whose health hasn’t been too good recently. Concerned about his decline, his daughter Evie comes to visit and can’t help but notice those strange people who show up to get things out of basement storage. What would they want with a sword, a glass slipper or 12-league boots? The scene shifts abruptly from Colorado to ancient Troy, in the final days of the Trojan War. Odysseus’s friend and cousin Sinon (aka The Liar) is inserted into the walled city and persuades the Trojans to accept the gift of the wooden horse, but just as the Greeks begin to celebrate their victory, Sinon is taken prisoner by Apollo, not at all happy with the way events turned out. Apollo forces Sinon to become his servant and cupbearer, and also watches voyeuristically when Sinon has sex with the local nymph. (And it’s also hard to imagine Apollo would really say to Sinon, “Make love to me, my Achaean warrior.”) Meanwhile, back in Colorado, Hera has shown up and is looking for the apple, for she wants to reintroduce even more discord into the world so it will destroy itself and begin anew. Evie’s mysterious companion Alex, who now and then mutters in Greek, turns out to be Sinon in modern dress. In fact, a parade of mythological characters makes their way to Colorado, including Merlin and Arthur, fighting on behalf of Evie, Robin Goodfellow, who’s relatively evanescent and wispy until Evie clubs him with a cast-iron frying pan, and the Wanderer, who years ago met Christ and found him a “good preacher.”

Thin and inane.