CREATION

A tawdry, bug-ridden account of the Biblical creation story.

Adapted from The Animated Kid's Bible—a series of DVDs that boasts “stunning CGI 3D animation,” according to the blurb in the app store, but it looks pretty clunky to eyes accustomed to Pixar's smoothness—this app chronicles God’s creation of the world and follows Adam and Eve until they’re expelled from the Garden of Eden. Each spread contains an image, text read by actors (each word is highlighted by a bouncing apple) and a video clip. Menu options include 3-D mode, which requires red/blue glasses and isn’t worth the trouble; translation to Spanish (text only, no audio); sign language interpretation via video; a recording option and an index. Page turns are ridiculously unresponsive and frequently trigger repeat narration. Adam (who has a physique that Charles Atlas would envy) awakens to find a sexy naked woman cuddled up to his nude body. Readers can’t see detailed body parts—though Adam’s bare backside is visible elsewhere—but the scenario is portrayed quite vividly. The serpent, curiously enough, is female, an interesting twist given the company’s stated devotion to Biblical accuracy (most major Bible translations refer to the serpent as “he” in the Genesis 3 account). Adam and Eve come across as clueless 21st-century teenagers who would be equally believable in an animated episode of Glee.

Half-baked dogma served with a heaping dose of glitchy kitsch; the creation story deserves better.