Using paradoxes like the title to sum up tensions women commonly experience, two Arizona psychologists explore the destructiveness of those paradoxes and demonstrate how psychotherapy can clear up such confusions and resolve conflicts. Thus, the chapter on Affiliation--introduced as a capacity rather than a need--examines aspects of the idea ""Without you I'm nothing; with you I lose my sense of identity,"" another confronts the ramifications of perceptions denied (""I don't see it the way you do, so I must be wrong""), and a third looks at the beneficial side effects of psychosomatic illness (""Getting sick isn't so bad; there's a lot of strength in being weak""). Although an improbable choice for the Fascinating or Total Woman, who starts with different assumptions, this presents situations which epitomize the kinds of fears and dilemmas many women feel in their lives, especially those perplexed at their discontent with storybook-happiness households--as Betty Friedan described years ago. What makes this a likely item in many circles is the tone: a businesslike reassurance from two working mothers which makes room for husbands and children without exaggerating their importance or insisting on their universal appeal and which acknowledges other needs to be equally strong. Tightly organized and a bit dry but balanced and observant.