A limping invention, heavy on belabor and short on laughs, that finds Blood and Guts, Gen. George Patton, certifiably nuts--with a fat army on his hands in postwar Germany and no fighting to do. To get the old boy back on his feed, a ""little old Bavarian billionaire"" named Martin Sauer tries to hoodwink him into attacking the Soviets and making a Pattonted dash to Moscow. With that juicy prospect in the offing, you'd think they'd get on with it. But no. Instead we're left to machete through endless side-tales and ground-pawings: Patton interminably stewing about slicing up the Krauts and Russkies (makes no cliff to him); a milque toastish Ike trying to keep B&G on the leash; blonde blizzard Gerda Gettler, erstwhile chum of Eva's, making it with the liberators; a Harvard psychologist and alleged de-Nazification expert who runs around asking Nazis things like, ""Why do you go on defending that gang of psychopaths?"" At the ""climax,"" when Patton at last does foam over at the beaker and orders his General Halleck to strike east, Halleck upchucks all over his battle maps. Maybe that's why the attack never really gets rolling. Unfortunately, nothing else does either.