GRACE IN THE DIRT

In this collection, a fiction writer shares entries from his cellphone notes app that explore his inner life.

“While maintaining a formal diary doesn’t much interest me…I still require some sort of outlet for my thoughts and feelings,” remarks Kruse in his preface to this volume, which is over 700 pages. The author’s preferred way of processing everyday emotions is by using the notes app on his cellphone. Kruse has accumulated a wealth of “bite-size” entries, including poems, “mini stories,” and vignettes that provide a window into how he was feeling over several years. Divided into four sections, “Love,” “Loss,” “Despair,” and “Hope,” this book allows the author the opportunity to categorize and share these deeply personal entries. Kruse refers to this as a “snapshot of a typical human life” and hopes that readers will also recognize aspects of themselves in his words. The author’s notes run the entire gamut of human emotions and address his feelings head-on. For instance, an entry entitled “Friendly Fire” states bluntly: “There are days when I hate my face.” Kruse asks readers to find beauty and understanding in what were once fragmented, recorded thoughts. For some, the cellphone notebook suggests hurriedly typed to-do lists. Yet there is no room for the trivial in this unexpectedly compelling, insightful, and astutely collated collection, although the offerings maintain the rawness and immediacy of those entered on the spur of the moment into a keypad. In “The Martyr,” Kruse writes candidly: “There’s no end in sight for me: / Still, despite it all, / I love you earnestly.” A further layer of vulnerability is added to the confession with the knowledge it was originally written for the author’s eyes alone. In longer poems, such as “Survivor’s Guilt,” Kruse keenly pinpoints the preoccupations of someone grieving: “I feel guilty for not feeling sad enough.” Some may find the author’s language overly simplistic, but this is an individual writing for himself without the burden of needing to impress an audience. With this freedom, Kruse describes emotional states with a refreshing honesty and clarity. At their very best, his minimal notes possess the power to jolt readers to alertness: “If you don’t keep paddling— / Whether you’re aware of it or not— / You’re bound to drift.”

Unconventional, intimate, yet universally profound reflections.