Kahler, in her debut memoir, recounts the pain of her miscarriages and the healing process that finally led her to decide to adopt.
In a preface, the author says that she wrote this book to help readers struggling with infertility or the unexpected loss of a pregnancy. She begins with describing her own story: Kahler was excited at the prospect of being a mother, filled with hopes and dreams for her unborn child. She joyfully shared the news of her first pregnancy with friends and family members, but her joy quickly turned to fear when it became clear that it wasn’t progressing normally. The spontaneous termination of her pregnancy was devastating, and Kahler felt a deep sense of loss on top of her medical concerns. In fact, her grief threatened to overwhelm her and her marriage, but with therapy and the help of a supportive husband, Kahler eventually achieved a new sense of normalcy and discovered the emotional strength to pursue her dream of having a child. After a second miscarriage, pregnancy was no longer an option, so Kahler and her husband turned to adoption instead, which led to a different set of struggles that she recounts with empathy and optimism. Kahler gives readers more than a simple retelling of her own experiences by suggesting steps for coping with grief. She also validates the strong emotional connection a woman may feel for an unborn child; this bond, she acknowledges, isn’t always understood by others and can leave many women feeling alone, unable to express their pain. With the same kind tone, she shares her research into international and domestic adoptions, including the adoption of children with special needs. She emphasizes the importance of working with a reputable agency, noting that the search for a child can leave a couple emotionally and financially vulnerable. Kahler’s book is an excellent look at what to expect from the adoption process, and it includes lists of helpful resources.
An engaging memoir that offers gentle, caring advice about surviving grief and moving forward.