THE 3 LOVES PROJECT

A psychologist provides a wide-ranging series of ideas for improving relationships.

In this life-evaluation guide to creating “flow,” building skills, and pursuing goals, Campbell’s advice ranges far. But she consistently centers on what she refers to as the “three great loves that give life meaning: Self-Love, Emotionally Intelligent Relationships and Pursuing Your Passions and Experiencing Flow.” In offering her readers nothing less than “a richer, more joyful life of fewer regrets,” the author spends a significant chunk of her work discussing the details of those three loves, stressing that what she calls self-compassion is at the heart of emotional freedom and psychological well-being. These elaborations draw on plenty of other books (perhaps most especially Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence). They also lay out plenty of handy summaries, like the acronym “OCEAN,” standing for owning a problem, changing your perspective, expressing yourself, asking for help “assertively,” and negotiating—all in the service of improving “flow.” Although these and other concepts throughout the volume remain a bit vague, Campbell’s questions and strictures are often refreshingly direct and lucid: “Loneliness and boredom rarely happen if you have burning passions that light you up, always simmering away, waiting for you to return.” The goal of all this is simple: improving “flow”—although this too often seems like an all-purpose term. Campbell is a shrewd judge of self-care—reminding her readers, for example, that forgiveness is not a rewriting of history but rather a refusal to keep moaning about the past. She acutely urges the audience to “give the love you want to receive.” Unfortunately, these useful nuggets are scattered across too wide a field; the manual’s central humanity would shine more clearly with less clutter.

A smart and sensitive but overstuffed guide to molding a fulfilling life.