GEEZER SEX!

In Stemmle’s (Puddles from a Drooling Mind, 2014) novel, Don, aka “Stud,” and his wife, Deb, married 52 years, reveal their secret: “We still do it!”

Don narrates the fictional narrative, which is “not exactly geezer pornography….[T]his is more a story about the challenges of communication. Sex is, above all, communication. Or it should be.” And Don and Deb still “appreciate” and “communicate” with each other regularly. Maybe it’s the testosterone shots or that both work out regularly. Don openly admires Deb’s “pumpkin butt” and enjoys “feeling her up….And that’s one of the benefits of living in an empty nest—I can feel her up with impunity.” But age has taken its toll, and he can’t help but reminisce about the good old days. Deb’s recollections are somewhat different: Don’s “mistress of a career” and her life caring for their young children created a rift in their marriage. Where he recalls great sex, she “loved the orgasms—but…didn’t feel connected at all.” An odd scientific research project involving neurological studies helped reorient them in the past; now, decades later, they receive a phone call about that study. Finally admitting what the project required and the ensuing embarrassment, Deb would like to ignore the call, but Don—afflicted with the “curse of the curious”—returns it, and he learns there is the possibility of joining a current study aimed at restoring nerve function even in equipment that currently goes numb. Banter and recollections about pre-Internet times (“no twerking, no lascivious displays of cleavage and breasts bulging out of tops of teen age girls prowling the mall”) and a youth where the words you really wondered about weren’t in a dictionary should appeal to a generation not completely comfortable with devices sporting a “smart-assed electronic chickie who now answers all my questions.” Additionally, Stemmle’s entertaining euphemisms (“perky bits,” “fuzzy bits”) may appeal to readers of a certain age.

A sweet story of enduring love wrapped around a tempting proposition: What if a geezer could get all the parts back in tip-top shape?