THRIVING AFTER SEXUAL ABUSE

A woman surveys strategies that she used to recover from the lingering psychological trauma of sexual abuse in this self-help book.

In this book’s opening pages, Bossarte, an arts teacher with a doctorate in developmental neuroscience, writes that she was molested as a child by her grandfather, which left her with anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and relationship difficulties. Her book focuses on her healing journey from high school onward and provides practical advice for others struggling with similar issues. She emphasizes the importance of one-on-one therapy and discusses ways to vet prospective therapists, recommending that one should look for a person who specializes in sexual abuse and ask lots of questions about methodologies and fees. She also recounts her positive experiences in group therapy and explores ways to promote well-being outside of counseling, including exercise (she’s partial to yoga), meditation, her hobby of “contemplative photography,” nature walks, scented bubble baths and candles, and creative projects to give voice to one’s expressive instincts. Other chapters address the knotty issues of whether and how to confront an abuser—Bossarte says that she never confronted her grandfather, who died when she was a teenager—or others who might have known of the abuse but didn’t intervene. She also discusses how to come out as a survivor to family members and partners. A final section reprints Bossarte’s poetry about abuse, and an appendix offers readers lists of self-help books, meditation instructors and apps, and survivor support groups.

Bossarte’s practical advice is often well tailored for abuse survivors, as when she notes that certain yoga poses can be triggering, as can some turns of mind while meditating. At times, though, she provides commonplace advice: “You can connect to your creativity through journaling and writing…through art classes for drawing, painting, pottery, or jewelry making, woodworking, sculpting, or blacksmithing!” The author also presents a rudimentary tour of alternative forms of therapy, such as qi gong, acupuncture, and chakra healing. The book has its greatest impact when it focuses on Bossarte’s personal experiences. She doesn’t dwell on details of her abuse, but her depiction of her resulting state of mind is deeply felt and riveting: “I remember hating my body and my lack of control as hormones raged during my teen years. Hating the changes that drew his eyes like flies to a corpse….I dared to dream of using my hands to kill myself, end it all, and set myself free.” Bossarte’s poems are especially hard-hitting and evocative, whether they’re taking readers into her grandfather’s house—“Opening door creaks, / feet shuffle on wooden floors. / A monster creeps into the room, / intent on devouring my innocent heart”—or relating the psychic damage of the abuse: “My childhood: a watercolor painting, / your touch smudged and blurred, / your intentions acid on my canvas.” In these passages, Bossarte conveys a cathartic sense of disaster and loss that makes her story of resurgence feel all the more resonant.

A heartfelt and informative guide to recovery with searing literary recollections.