GROWING UP IN PUBLIC

A map to the social media maze for parents and their teenagers.

Parenting a teenager has never been easy, but social media has made it much more difficult. Heitner specializes in this field, and her 2016 book, Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World, was widely praised. In this follow-up, she returns to some of her previous themes, punctuating the text with accessible advice and numerous anecdotes. She believes that trying to prohibit a teen from using social media is unlikely to work. After all, kids have grown up with the internet and can circumvent bans. She suggests that a mentoring approach is better than stern rules. Heitner acknowledges that finding the right balance in parental supervision and intervention is often a tricky matter of judgment. For example, some teens are opposed to being tracked by their phones, but others accept it as an appropriate security measure. Many teens see social media as a crucial part of their lives, especially in being part of a peer group. One major problem is that the rules about what is acceptable and what is not keep changing, and some teens constantly worry that a wrong word could see them shunned. Parents are often concerned that unsuitable posts might affect their teen's application to a desired college, although research shows that such cases are rare. They can advise their kids to think before they post anything, and a useful guide is to think about whether they would put whatever they are posting on a T-shirt. In the end, the best ways to mentor are by examples and through communication. "Parents should shift their focus from consequences to building character," writes Heitner, "and to teaching their kids to respect their own privacy and reputation by modeling that respect for them."

Expert advice for parents and teens backed by relevant research and clear thinking.