A WIDOW'S FIRE

Heiler shares her emotionally intense recollections of the two-year period during which she cared for her dying husband.

In the spring of 2021, the author and her husband, Al, had been married for 23 years (and together for almost 28 years) when they received his devastating diagnosis of a terminal illness: “Stage IV lung cancer, with possibly six to twelve months to live.” It was her third marriage, his second. Heiler was the one to end her first marriage. She writes that Paul, the father of her four children, was a kind and gentle man, but she was suffocating and needed to spread her wings. She left Paul the house and kept the children to pursue a successful career in real estate. Her second husband turned out to be a mean drunk, per the author; after six years, he was killed in an automobile accident. When Heiler met Al, she was dating, but not committed. He, on the other hand, was only two months widowed, still grieving the loss of his wife of 33 years yet ready to move on. After living together for four years, waiting impatiently for his two grown sons to accept their relationship, they married on April 4, 1998. With dry humor, the author describes their first 20 years together as “pretty darn nice.” Indeed, it was a loving marriage, and the two lived lavishly. Their primary house was located on Florida’s Lake Jovita Golf and Country Club; they had Al’s Gulf Coast beach house; and they built a summer home in North Carolina. In between work, Al’s golfing, and socializing, they traveled the world. They also weathered some major bumps along the road—each of them was treated for a variety of cancers. But this time, there would be no recovery, and life would never be the same. Al outlived the original prognosis, but after two years of treatment, struggle, denial, despair, and finally acceptance, Al died at home in May of 2023.

Heiler is an articulate and confident author. Her memoir has been culled from her voluminous daily diary entries and the copious poetry she wrote during Al’s last years, supplemented with contemporary commentary. Never leaving Al’s side, the author became his caretaker and patient advocate, and she includes numerous medical details, descriptions of procedures, and terminology that defined this period. Writing with passion and raw honesty, Heiler brings readers along with her through each twist of the emotional roller coaster that the couple’s lives had become, and through the early aftermath of her debilitating grief, during which she holed up alone in their North Caroline house: “I want to reach out to my children and help them because I know they are grieving. But I’m just too absorbed in my own pain.” Thankfully, the author also shares her delightfully sharp humor and her defiant determination to find happiness once again; (“exactly eleven weeks and one day”) after Al died, Heiler met Bob, the man who would become her new love.

A thoughtfully composed, heart-rending read best for fellow travelers.