Great parenting advice for raising well-adjusted kids, but not nuanced enough for a diverse audience.
Toronto (co-author Psychoanalytic Reflections on a Gender-free Case, 2005), a clinical psychologist from the University of Michigan, affirms, with contributions from her psychologist husband, that both adults and children, even from infancy, ought to be recognized as individuals and active participants in the family relationship.
Despite Toronto’s professional background, this heartfelt autobiography of a mother’s challenges and choices in raising her four sons struggles in its mission to also function as a modern-parenting guidebook. She presents a seesaw paradigm of the parent-child relationship, which understands the core equality of parent and child and allows each to lead, follow and have needs met in a harmonious whole, replacing the cultural default of an up-down model where parents give and lead, and children receive and follow. She supports this with stories showing how much she appreciated her boys’ individual gifts from an early age, often nearly bragging about their accomplishments and good moral nature. Her now-adult sons also discuss their own upbringing, which they do with unmitigated warmth as well as family photos. Toronto’s insight that connected families have a cultural currency—for her family, it’s thinking "positively" about who you are, but it could be music, cooking or any shared activity—is useful in thinking about household dynamics and what happens when a child might not naturally fit into that shared experience. Her endorsement of the family meeting as a regular method of communication, in which each person gets equal opportunity to speak, is similarly a valuable model for maintaining a less top-down model of parenting. After all, everyone should be heard, she says. But ultimately, this good-natured, old-fashioned, grandmotherly storytelling comes mostly from focusing on one’s own choices and experiences, not guidance from a clinical psychologist based on deep comprehension of 21st-century family complexities. Peppered with family photos and common-sense advice, it’s more personal than professional.
Great parenting advice for raising well-adjusted kids, but not nuanced enough for a diverse audience.Pub Date: March 9, 2013
ISBN: 978-1479397587
Page Count: 276
Publisher: CreateSpace
Review Posted Online: July 8, 2013
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after...
Self-help advice and personal reflections on avoiding spousal fights while raising children.
Before her daughter was born, bestselling author Dunn (Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?: And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask, 2009, etc.) enjoyed steady work and a happy marriage. However, once she became a mother, there never seemed to be enough time, sleep, and especially help from her husband. Little irritations became monumental obstacles between them, which led to major battles. Consequently, they turned to expensive couples' therapy to help them regain some peace in life. In a combination of memoir and advice that can be found in most couples' therapy self-help books, Dunn provides an inside look at her own vexing issues and the solutions she and her husband used to prevent them from appearing in divorce court. They struggled with age-old battles fought between men and women—e.g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. What Dunn learned via therapy, talks with other parents, and research was that there is no perfect solution to the many dynamics that surface once couples become parents. But by using time-tested techniques, she and her husband learned to listen, show empathy, and adjust so that their former status as a happy couple could safely and peacefully morph into a happy family. Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained—all without spending lots of money on couples’ therapy.
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child.Pub Date: March 21, 2017
ISBN: 978-0-316-26710-6
Page Count: 272
Publisher: Little, Brown
Review Posted Online: Jan. 17, 2017
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2017
BOOK REVIEW
BOOK REVIEW
A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.
Ruminations and reminiscences of an author—now in his 70s—about fatherhood, writing, and death.
O’Brien (July, July, 2002, etc.), who achieved considerable literary fame with both Going After Cacciato (1978) and The Things They Carried (1990), returns with an eclectic assembly of pieces that grow increasingly valedictory as the idea of mortality creeps in. (The title comes from the author’s uncertainty about his ability to assemble these pieces in a single volume.) He begins and ends with a letter: The initial one is to his first son (from 2003); the terminal one, to his two sons, both of whom are now teens (the present). Throughout the book, there are a number of recurring sections: “Home School” (lessons for his sons to accomplish), “The Magic Show” (about his long interest in magic), and “Pride” (about his feelings for his sons’ accomplishments). O’Brien also writes often about his own father. One literary figure emerges as almost a member of the family: Ernest Hemingway. The author loves Hemingway’s work (except when he doesn’t) and often gives his sons some of Papa’s most celebrated stories to read and think and write about. Near the end is a kind of stand-alone essay about Hemingway’s writings about war and death, which O’Brien realizes is Hemingway’s real subject. Other celebrated literary figures pop up in the text, including Elizabeth Bishop, Andrew Marvell, George Orwell, and Flannery O’Connor. Although O’Brien’s strong anti-war feelings are prominent throughout, his principal interest is fatherhood—specifically, at becoming a father later in his life and realizing that he will miss so much of his sons’ lives. He includes touching and amusing stories about his toddler sons, about the sadness he felt when his older son became a teen and began to distance himself, and about his anguish when his sons failed at something.
A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.Pub Date: Oct. 14, 2019
ISBN: 978-0-618-03970-8
Page Count: 384
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Review Posted Online: July 27, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 15, 2019
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