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THE NEW YORK REGIONAL MORMON SINGLES HALLOWEEN DANCE by Elna Baker

THE NEW YORK REGIONAL MORMON SINGLES HALLOWEEN DANCE

A Memoir

By Elna Baker

Pub Date: Oct. 15th, 2009
ISBN: 978-0-525-95135-3
Publisher: Dutton

Debut memoir from a 20-something Mormon stand-up comedian.

Baker was once just a funny fat girl weighing in at nearly 250 pounds. Then she rapidly shed the pounds (“In five and a half months I lost eighty pounds, which is the equivalent of pooping out a fourth grader”) and emerged as a slim beauty, still funny and ready for romance—up to a point. The author writes that she was ready for some kind of amorous encounter, but as a practicing LDS believer, sex before marriage is prohibited—as is drinking. “Mormons are known for saying no,” she writes. “No sex, no drugs, no alcohol and no caffeine. NO.” So she relates, in unrelenting cuteness, her romantic adventures—not having sex with lots of dreamy guys, but kissing and telling all. For New York Mormon singles events, Baker concocted some truly unfortunate costumes, including a fortune cookie that got crushed and looked like a certain part of the female anatomy. She discusses her situation with The Almighty (a largely one-way discussion) and her struggles to suppress her sexuality while defending her spirituality: “I thought, he only wants to see me naked because I lost weight and I look more attractive now. And this only happened because I prayed and asked God for a miracle. Misusing my new body would be like taking a gift from God and defiling itIs it right to suppress my sexuality? Or do religious choices just make me happy because I was trained to feel this way?” For the most part, Baker spins a witty girly-girl story, a romantic caper for ladies about trying to find a job, a boyfriend and, ultimately, herself.

A sexy, lubricious outing by a formerly zaftig comic.