Sober Daughter

A debut memoir recounts a daughter’s battle with alcohol addiction after providing end-of-life care for her parents.

Ethiopian American Asfaw grew up in Los Angeles, supported by devoted parents who were respected in their community for helping others. In adulthood, she became a “young go-getter and ambitious operational director” but took on the responsibility of caring for her father and mother after they fell ill. Following their deaths, the author faced the feeling of being “utterly alone.” This was compounded by a sense of “self-pity” and the “tragic financial reality” of losing her father’s income, which, combined with medical expenses, sent her into “enormous financial debt.” Asfaw confides that she “declared war on reality” by turning to alcohol. The severity of her addiction led to an extreme, alcohol-induced psychosis and a terrifying seizure. During a stay in a residential treatment center, she began to rebuild her life and gain a deeper sense of self-understanding through therapy. The memoir describes how the author went on to help other women battling addictions by developing outreach programs and working with those in recovery. Asfaw is a direct writer who understands the progression of addiction: “Alcohol worked for me and it worked well. It calmed me down when I couldn’t shut my mind off, when I needed to sleep, when I needed to pause my work brain for the day.” Her prose can be powerfully moving in its ability to pinpoint the withering pain of caring for a terminally ill loved one: “Every morning broke my heart. Every single morning, I died a little more with him.” Descriptions of her parents’ illnesses are unflinching, such as her father’s edema: “They were swollen like hot, overpumped balloons. Tight, stretched-out tree-trunk legs.” Some readers will deem such graphic details unnecessary, although they accurately reflect the trauma of observing the pain of others. The memoir is also not always in a linear sequence, leading the author to make surprising digressions, such as revealing that she met Michael Jackson. The exact timeline of events is consequently difficult to ascertain on some occasions. Still, Asfaw’s voice is a triumphant one that radiates positivity and will inspire others: “Each day as I got stronger, I saw my work as a gift instead of a burden.”

A courageous, emotive, and potent account by a survivor.