Sandwiching hard truths between hilarious anecdotes makes for an entertaining alternative to couples therapy.
Behrendt and Ruotola (It's Just a F***ing Date: Some Sort of Book About Dating, 2013, etc.) are back, this time with a playful and useful self-help guide to help readers through the newlywed stage of “wedded bliss.”
Candid, conversational, and occasionally profane, the book is packed with short, often hilarious nuggets culled from personal experience. “My marriage to Amiira has been beautiful, but it has—at times—downright sucked ass,” writes Behrendt early on. The brutal honesty builds from there, as the authors seek to warn new couples that “historical resentments and patterns that can demolish a marriage usually start out as something seemingly unimportant.” This includes financial differences, plans for children, family traditions, sex, and even the marriage proposal. “The story of my proposal is so agonizing, writes Behrendt, “that it sits in my gut like a hibernating bear that awakens every time I’m asked” about it. Instead of using a ring, he proposed in a chintzy beach-house bedroom with a Christmas ornament of a male angel with “a comically big nose holding out a gold heart.” Ruotola: “Finally, I confessed to Greg that I was embarrassed to tell anyone that I was engaged because the first thing anyone wants to see is THE RING.” Fortunately, the couple recovered. Behrendt proposed again, but “alas,” he writes, “the bad proposal isn’t a thing I’ll ever get to take back.” While the advice is occasionally repetitive of obvious details—yes, planning a wedding is stressful—the narrative’s cautionary tale format works thanks to the self-deprecating approach. Formatted in short chapters of real marriage examples, listicles, Q-and-As, and checklists, the overarching message is that, just like creating a meaningful proposal, a long and happy union is built on “an exceptional set up….We repeat what we don’t repair, so if you want to have a suck free marriage it requires working through the hiccups and hurt to rid yourself of their stain.”
Sandwiching hard truths between hilarious anecdotes makes for an entertaining alternative to couples therapy.Pub Date: July 17, 2018
ISBN: 978-1-63576-387-4
Page Count: 250
Publisher: Diversion Books
Review Posted Online: May 14, 2018
Kirkus Reviews Issue: June 1, 2018
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after...
Self-help advice and personal reflections on avoiding spousal fights while raising children.
Before her daughter was born, bestselling author Dunn (Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?: And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask, 2009, etc.) enjoyed steady work and a happy marriage. However, once she became a mother, there never seemed to be enough time, sleep, and especially help from her husband. Little irritations became monumental obstacles between them, which led to major battles. Consequently, they turned to expensive couples' therapy to help them regain some peace in life. In a combination of memoir and advice that can be found in most couples' therapy self-help books, Dunn provides an inside look at her own vexing issues and the solutions she and her husband used to prevent them from appearing in divorce court. They struggled with age-old battles fought between men and women—e.g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. What Dunn learned via therapy, talks with other parents, and research was that there is no perfect solution to the many dynamics that surface once couples become parents. But by using time-tested techniques, she and her husband learned to listen, show empathy, and adjust so that their former status as a happy couple could safely and peacefully morph into a happy family. Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained—all without spending lots of money on couples’ therapy.
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child.Pub Date: March 21, 2017
ISBN: 978-0-316-26710-6
Page Count: 272
Publisher: Little, Brown
Review Posted Online: Jan. 17, 2017
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2017
BOOK REVIEW
BOOK REVIEW
A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.
Ruminations and reminiscences of an author—now in his 70s—about fatherhood, writing, and death.
O’Brien (July, July, 2002, etc.), who achieved considerable literary fame with both Going After Cacciato (1978) and The Things They Carried (1990), returns with an eclectic assembly of pieces that grow increasingly valedictory as the idea of mortality creeps in. (The title comes from the author’s uncertainty about his ability to assemble these pieces in a single volume.) He begins and ends with a letter: The initial one is to his first son (from 2003); the terminal one, to his two sons, both of whom are now teens (the present). Throughout the book, there are a number of recurring sections: “Home School” (lessons for his sons to accomplish), “The Magic Show” (about his long interest in magic), and “Pride” (about his feelings for his sons’ accomplishments). O’Brien also writes often about his own father. One literary figure emerges as almost a member of the family: Ernest Hemingway. The author loves Hemingway’s work (except when he doesn’t) and often gives his sons some of Papa’s most celebrated stories to read and think and write about. Near the end is a kind of stand-alone essay about Hemingway’s writings about war and death, which O’Brien realizes is Hemingway’s real subject. Other celebrated literary figures pop up in the text, including Elizabeth Bishop, Andrew Marvell, George Orwell, and Flannery O’Connor. Although O’Brien’s strong anti-war feelings are prominent throughout, his principal interest is fatherhood—specifically, at becoming a father later in his life and realizing that he will miss so much of his sons’ lives. He includes touching and amusing stories about his toddler sons, about the sadness he felt when his older son became a teen and began to distance himself, and about his anguish when his sons failed at something.
A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.Pub Date: Oct. 14, 2019
ISBN: 978-0-618-03970-8
Page Count: 384
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Review Posted Online: July 27, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 15, 2019
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