MOTHER LODE

A debut memoir of caregiving that addresses issues of life and death in a direct and hopeful way.

In this remembrance, former school counselor Staebler tells of moving back home to Centralia, Washington, from Raleigh, North Carolina, at 60 years old to take care of her ailing mother, who was dealing with dementia and increasing vision problems. Their relationship was slightly strained, but the author was determined to spend a year with her mother before transitioning her to a care facility; she ended up caring for her for more than five years. The author is candid about the struggles of caregiving, which readers who have experienced similar situations will find refreshing: “I’m back now, in her home, hoping it’s not too late to repair the breach as she fades into dementia,” the author writes. “She needs me now, but she is still the mother.” The book is split into years, with chapters in each year discussing months and days in detail. The book especially centers on Staebler’s conflicted feelings with notable honesty. Over the course of the book, readers watch as the author’s relationship with her mother changes, as feelings of pain and resentment give way to compassion. The author’s straightforward honesty about difficult aspects, including her mother’s failing memory and her own mental and physical exhaustion, is impressive. Her writing style is unadorned and easy to take in, even during the heavier moments. She also thought-provokingly details the vagaries of the health care system in America and how a caregiver must become an expert navigator to advocate effectively for a loved one.

An affecting and informative remembrance that centers on a mother-daughter connection.