GROWING WITH YOUR CHILDREN

As in his teaching, Kohl approaches parenthood with a deep regard for encouraging individuality and instilling values. Here, after briefly recalling his own boyhood, he uses his own family and others as referrals as he explores the recurring themes of family life: discipline, strength, respect, fairness, and joy. His pronouncements are a comfortable mix of everyday incidents and ongoing implications. He discusses the difference between free expression of feelings and unbounded or manipulative expressions; draws a fine line between indulgence and restriction--""the quality of the 'no'""; and applies his acute appreciation of learning styles to family life. Anne Roiphe once observed that her friends with young children were optimists, those with teenagers pessimists. Kohl, whose oldest is eleven, clearly belongs to the optimists, but his observations reflect a familiarity with common areas of concern through the years. ""Social lying is a major point of sensitivity with most children."" . . . ""Mistakes are not fatal if made with goodwill and readily admitted."" . . . ""It is difficult for young children who have no experience with sharing and are accustomed to personal ownership to understand how to make use of limited resources."" An eminently sensible outlook which never loses sight of the mutual benefits of parent/child relationships.