A MATTER OF DEATH AND LIFE

A collaborative memoir that provides an honest reckoning with the end of a long, fruitful life.

After being diagnosed with multiple myeloma in 2019, Marilyn Yalom suggested to her husband, Irvin, that the two of them, both writers, should write a book documenting her death from the perspective of a couple who had been together and happy for more than 50 years. She believed that it might have something to offer “other couples with one member facing a fatal illness.” As it turns out, she underestimated: The book has countless pieces of wisdom for anyone confronting death. As the two authors alternate chapters, the love between them manifests on the page through their mutual care and sense of togetherness. What emerges is an uncommonly tender portrait of what a strong marriage feels like on the inside. The Yaloms have the advantage of having lived charmed lives—healthy children, rich social lives, meaningful and successful work, deep love—and so face Marilyn’s death without the kinds of life regrets that make the prospect of death even more difficult for those who have a sense of an unlived life. This particular insight is drawn from Irvin’s previous work as one of the most well-known and influential therapists of the past several decades. Among his other specialties he is a leading figure in existential psychology, so death is not a new subject for him. Indeed, readers familiar with his writing will notice repeated material from his previous books. However, considering the circumstances here, the author achieves new depth and poignancy, qualities that are matched by Marilyn’s grace as she hopes to follow Nietzsche’s advice to “die at the right time.” The Yaloms’ distinct voices are complements to each other and gifts to readers.

A profound love story with lessons for how to live as well as how to die.