HALLELUJAH MF

Stolen cash attracts a rogues’ gallery in Kushnir’s crime novella.

John is the pastor at the nearly bankrupt Church of St. Jude, and he isn’t sure how he’s going to continue to feed the eight orphans who reside in the basement. Little does he know the answer to his prayers is hurtling toward him—$5 million in cash—propelled by a series of compounding criminal acts. The money comes from the all-powerful state senator Red, who seems to think the best way to help the poor is to cut their social services while enriching himself with corporate kickbacks. When his trophy wife, Mila, runs off with the loot to start a new life on a tropical island, Red sends his number one goon, Vinnie, to retrieve her and the boodle. (Vinnie, who has no problem using a rusty old spoon to extort his victims, shares wisdom like “Debts are like kids. If you don’t raise ’em right on time, they grow up and start biting you in the throat.”) By the time Vinnie catches up with Mila, the money has already been stolen by a pair of hapless stick-up artists, and soon many other people are after it, including a pair of corrupt cops, a triad assassin, a sword-bearing nun, a seasoned fixer, and a poisoner with impeccable aesthetic taste. (“Suffering should be poetic, like Dostoevsky,” opines the poisoner. “Blood on the floor ain’t tragedy—it’s bad interior design.”) Though not formatted like a screenplay, the narrative is presented cinematically, complete with voice-over narration, camera directions, references to Guy Ritchie films, and vivid present-tense descriptions, like this one of John’s church: “The facade is peeling like an old boxer’s skin after a thousand losses. Inside—dampness soaking everything, from the pews to the Bible. Plastic angels from Walmart stand on the altar, their wings yellowed with age.” Fans of crime-centric graphic novels may particularly enjoy this tale, which reads like several issues of a comic book boiled down to 60 pages of crackling prose.

A stylish, stuffed-to-the-gills crime novella.