TRANSFORMED BY LOVE

A widower reflects on his decades-long relationship with his wife in this debut memoir.

Claire Lyons’ childhood, as Callahan documents, was dominated by her alcoholic and abusive father, referred to in the book’s opening lines as “the demon.” While her mother was “frozen in fear and denial” in spite of academic prowess that could have set her up for a successful independent career, only Claire’s big brother, “a fearless five-year-old,” stood up for her. To make matters worse, her father was a pillar of their small Massachusetts town (he served for decades as the volunteer captain of the fire department). Like many abusers, his charming public persona allowed him to terrorize his family within a community that admired him, going so far as to cast him as a local leader. After taking in a multi-chapter litany of abuse, it is no surprise when readers learn of Claire’s decision as a young woman to become a nun. Written in the weeks after Claire’s death in the 2016, the rest of the book centers around the blossoming love between the author, who was a young, idealistic Roman Catholic priest in the 1950s, and Claire, a sister of the Holy Cross. What began as a friendship evolved into a romance in which both Claire and Callahan were “transformed by love” and decided to leave their religious vocations.

The memoir chronicles Callahan’s half-century together with his wife and children, including their move to Washington, D.C., where they witnessed the fallout from the Nixon administration’s Watergate scandal firsthand. Callahan provides frequently insightful commentary on religion throughout; while reminiscing about his marriage, the author notes that one surefire way to increase membership and joy within the Church would be to foster a “spirit of love” that accepts divorced and remarried couples, gay married couples, and married priests. On another occasion, Callahan notes his frustration with the Church hierarchy following the Boston Archdiocese sexual abuse scandal uncovered by the Boston Globe. Claire would also speak out on Catholic issues, writing to the Globe following a local controversy sparked by a parochial school that had refused to admit a child whose parents were lesbians, for instance. (“Another case of child abuse,” she wrote at the time.) Writing in an intimate prose style, the author devotes the book’s final chapters to his grief following Claire’s death. “The routine I had constructed to keep me active” was helpful, he writes, shortly before questioning whether he will “spend the rest of my life in grief and in routines created to contain it?” This remembrance is not only a beautiful love story, but also a spiritual memoir exploring how a couple’s faith—both collectively and individually—evolved alongside their relationship. Callahan’s spiritual formation in the priesthood remains ever-present throughout the book’s narrative, which is peppered throughout with religious commentary, prayers, and relevant Bible verses that are cited in the ample endnotes. At just under 200 pages in total, this is an accessible book; its brevity, however, should not be confused with shallowness, as it bravely tackles questions related to childhood trauma, abuse, spirituality, love, and the meaning of life head-on.

A touching love letter from a grieving husband that stresses the transformational power of love.