ACCESSORY TO MARRIAGE

Debut author Walters, a wedding photographer, recounts incidents witnessed on- and off-camera.

For 15 years, the author has created hundreds of stunning images that suggest perfection while witnessing bizarre events and less-than-flawless behaviors behind the scenes. This book is a collection of tales from real-life weddings in major cities of the South. Although a ceremony may be planned years in advance, things can go awry in an atmosphere rife with alcohol, prescription drugs and formal attire. Anecdotes touch on everything from “White People Dancing” (not pretty) to overwrought bridesmaids slapping the floor or prowling for unattached men, sometimes resorting to striptease. One bride enhances cleavage with strategically placed duct tape, while another uses maxipads to cushion her corset (the pads drop unceremoniously to the ground throughout the day). In addition to bridezilla and her groom, some guests assume self-assigned roles; e.g., Uncle Frank (so dubbed in the book) whose job it is to get the party started. He works the crowd into a frenzy but doesn’t know when to have a seat. To an impartial observer, this is a fun, ballsy read—one man’s unique take on wedding misadventures. Each vignette is shrewdly and comically told, using fake names. The South is roasted. In Dixie, we’re told, it’s OK to speak unkindly of another if the insult is followed by “bless her heart.” After pages of sarcasm, sometimes directed at photographers, the tone shifts at book’s end, as future brides are given tips on makeup and body language to make the most of their photo shoots. The book is both clever and rash, airing, as it inevitably does, the dirty linen of one’s former clientele. A few anecdotes are impersonal, such as one about a horse that heeds nature’s call; but many take dead aim at the happy couple and their families, while stereotyping members of the wedding. Shell-shocked parents of the bride, out 40 grand for that “one perfect day,” may not appreciate the wit.

Entertaining insider’s look at what goes down before and after the wedding march.