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Raising Children You Can Live With


A solid place to start for parents who hope to solve the enigma that is the sullen teen.

Raser’s debut is a valuable tool for handling the most difficult job in the world: parenthood.

“[W]hen you are miserable and your children are too, this book may help you understand how things went wrong and how you can make them better,” Raser explains in this guide’s introduction. He asserts that parent-child problem are rooted in an imbalance between what se calls the “Business” (rules, guidance, discipline) and the “Personal” (care, love, fun) sides of the parenting equation. A seesawing pattern tilts things one way or the other, which can create real power struggles, especially when a child sees only the Business side. These can result in power deficits, he says; the negatives can slowly add up so that even one misplaced word can lead to a major screaming match. Raser suggests using “Strategic Interactions,” in which a child is given room to maneuver so that parent directives aren’t interpreted as power struggles. Diving into various real-world situations in short chapters, such as “What Do I Do When My Child Lies?” and “What Do I Do When My Child Won’t Communicate?,” the book gives examples of typical parent-child dialogues and outlines elements of Strategic Interactions to decrease ill will. Phrases in the Strategic Interaction dictionary (such as “I never thought of it that way before” and “I’m not sure I understand. Could you tell me more about it?”) may help kids see that parents understand where they’re coming from, Raser says. This book isn’t a panacea for all parent-child problems, but it’s a sure-footed work that provides plenty of ready examples for beleaguered parents. It doesn’t address teenage behavior in the context of the physiology of growing brains, but that may be well beyond the scope of this slim volume. And although the book uses the generic term “children,” most of the situations described here are really teen issues.

A solid place to start for parents who hope to solve the enigma that is the sullen teen.

Pub Date: Sept. 9, 2015

ISBN: 978-1-50-537358-5

Page Count: 138

Publisher: CreateSpace

Review Posted Online: Nov. 9, 2015

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A vivid sequel that strains credulity.

Fremont (After Long Silence, 1999) continues—and alters—her story of how memories of the Holocaust affected her family.

At the age of 44, the author learned that her father had disowned her, declaring her “predeceased”—or dead in his eyes—in his will. It was his final insult: Her parents had stopped speaking to her after she’d published After Long Silence, which exposed them as Jewish Holocaust survivors who had posed as Catholics in Europe and America in order to hide multilayered secrets. Here, Fremont delves further into her tortured family dynamics and shows how the rift developed. One thread centers on her life after her harrowing childhood: her education at Wellesley and Boston University, the loss of her virginity to a college boyfriend before accepting her lesbianism, her stint with the Peace Corps in Lesotho, and her decades of work as a lawyer in Boston. Another strand involves her fraught relationship with her sister, Lara, and how their difficulties relate to their father, a doctor embittered after years in the Siberian gulag; and their mother, deeply enmeshed with her own sister, Zosia, who had married an Italian count and stayed in Rome to raise a child. Fremont tells these stories with novelistic flair, ending with a surprising theory about why her parents hid their Judaism. Yet she often appears insensitive to the serious problems she says Lara once faced, including suicidal depression. “The whole point of suicide, I thought, was to succeed at it,” she writes. “My sister’s completion rate was pathetic.” Key facts also differ from those in her earlier work. After Long Silence says, for example, that the author grew up “in a small city in the Midwest” while she writes here that she grew up in “upstate New York,” changes Fremont says she made for “consistency” in the new book but that muddy its narrative waters. The discrepancies may not bother readers seeking psychological insights rather than factual accuracy, but others will wonder if this book should have been labeled a fictionalized autobiography rather than a memoir.

A vivid sequel that strains credulity.

Pub Date: Feb. 11, 2020

ISBN: 978-1-982113-60-5

Page Count: 352

Publisher: Gallery Books/Simon & Schuster

Review Posted Online: Oct. 20, 2019

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 15, 2019

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Solid, practical advice for women on how to properly nurture their sons.

How women can raise boys to become good men.

More than ever, women are under pressure to be "everything to everyone," writes Meeker (The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity, 2010, etc.), as "working women feel that they must perform equally well both in the office and in caring for their home, husband, and children." The dynamics of raising boys is especially difficult for women due to the gender difference and the fact that women tend to be nurturing and helpful while allowing their sons to evolve into men in a constantly shifting masculine paradigm. Through research and interviews from her own practice, Meeker gives women the necessary tools to understand that perfection is not a realistic goal but that doing the best one can will ensure good results. Equally useful to single mothers and women with husbands is the advice that sons need to know they are loved from a very young age, as this builds a foundation of confidence in a child, a base that allows a boy to gradually move away from his mother as he interacts with male peers and elders. A boy's home life must be solid: a safe haven to return to regardless of his age, a place where his thoughts and feelings are respected and where he can express his hopes and dreams without fear of judgment. Meeker recommends introducing boys to religion, prayer and the unconditional love that comes from having a strong faith to boost self-confidence. She also skillfully navigates the world of sex—from a boy's first body awareness to the powerful effects of pornography and sexual messages embedded in social media, video games and news media, to his interactions in the world of girls and women. A mother's imprint on her son is powerful right from birth and remains so throughout her son's life. Meeker's advice gives women the tools to navigate these often rocky waters with confidence.

Solid, practical advice for women on how to properly nurture their sons.

Pub Date: April 8, 2014

ISBN: 978-0-345-51809-5

Page Count: 368

Publisher: Ballantine

Review Posted Online: Feb. 18, 2014

Kirkus Reviews Issue: March 1, 2014

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