THE DON JUAN DILEMMA: How Women Cope with Men Who Play the Field

The psychology of womanizers and of the women involved with them, and what women can do about a partner's promiscuity. Not unexpectedly, psychotherapist Carpineto (Husband Hunting: How to Win at the Mating Game; not reviewed) locates the roots of the Don Juan syndrome in a dysfunctioning family situation: a philandering father, parents unable to express intimacy, a childhood as a ""mama's boy"" or ""daddy's little girl,"" etc. Don Juans, says Carpineto, are basically narcissists who need women to shore up their fragile egos. Adept at sniffing out partners and sweeping them off their feet, they are unable to endure an intimate one-on-one-relationship for fear their feet of clay will show. The women are willful partners and sexual co-addicts in the ""activity of womanizing""; but in light of the AIDS crisis, their lives as well as their hearts are now at risk. Since womanizers rarely reform, their partners should establish a plan for ending the relationship: they should develop the Wherewithal for financial and emotional independence and break the addiction through psychotherapy, support groups, or self-help programs. They could set an ultimatum, but this usually abruptly ends the relationship--which can be traumatic. Well researched, with much input from Carpineto's primarily women-oriented practice.