WHERE WAS GOODBYE?

A high school senior in Nassau, Bahamas, struggles to readjust to life after a tragedy.

Seventeen-year-old Karmen Wallace can’t stop thinking about her older brother, Julian. Six weeks before the start of the school year, Julian died by suicide. No one in her family can make sense of his passing: Why would Julian—a smart college student bursting with potential—end his life? How long had he been carrying so much pain? Karmen feels like she’s the only person in her family who wants to understand Julian’s death. Her father stubbornly advocates for routine; her mother is a husk of her former self. Karmen’s sure that if she investigates Julian’s past, she can fix her broken family. But when a fellow student makes a thoughtless comment about death, Karmen “snaps,” hurling a ball and accidentally smashing the school chemistry lab’s window. As a consequence, the principal places her on a mandatory three-week leave in order “to heal.” During this time at home, Karmen digs deeper into Julian’s final days, only to discover more questions. In her third novel for young adults, Mather poignantly explores the delicate bonds of sibling relationships. She writes about depression and anxiety without judgment, and her depiction of Karmen’s survivor’s guilt—a potent mixture of emotions that form a heavy cloud of grief—is handled with considerable nuance and empathy.

A moving look at a sister’s flawed, heartfelt attempts to heal in the wake of emotional devastation.