RIDE OR DIE

A young couple navigates life after a cancer diagnosis in Bolander’s memoir.

Barely a year into their new marriage, the author’s 35-year-old wife, Jane, was diagnosed with leukemia; he recalls her saying, “How can that be? I don’t feel sick.” Soon, the couple were thrust into the world of cancer care, involving seemingly endless testing, chemotherapy, a bone marrow transplant, and many new life-altering routines. At the beginning of the book, Bolander reveals that his wife is no longer alive, but he works to make this a story about her experiences as well as his own. Before her demise in 2017, the couple set up an online account called Care Circle, which allowed them to update interested friends and family on their situation with a single post; six are included here. The book’s title refers to their wedding vows, specifically the reference to “in sickness and in health…till death do us part.” The memoir doesn’t sugarcoat the hard facts of fighting a terminal illness, nor does it portray the patient or caregiver as without flaws; the author describes their feelings of bitterness. As might be expected, their work lives were also affected in major ways; for example, Jane wanted the author to keep her public relations business going until she was well, but as a trained engineer, he was confused by its lack of written protocols. Over the course of this remembrance, Bolander effectively shows how he and his spouse argued, reconciled, and remained honest with each other and how their love and devotion deepened. The author also records his own reactions to the cancer battle with uncommon depth. For instance, he expresses how he firmly believed that his primary job was to protect his wife, but as the cancer advanced, he often felt a “failure lump” in his throat, which he refers to repeatedly over the course of the book. As the story goes on, readers will get a clear sense of the sometimes-terrifying emotions he experienced.

A deft recollection that brings the journeys of both a patient and a caregiver into focus.