The Journey of Same-Sex Surrogacy

A common-sense, spiritual primer for prospective same-sex parents.

Equal parts memoir and how-to manual, this approachable book demystifies the complex topic of surrogacy—one that’s particularly fraught with pitfalls for would-be same-sex parents. Throughout, Warner does an admirable job of guiding the reader through the various steps involved in the same-sex surrogacy journey, covering everything from lining up a surrogate to navigating the legal quagmire of second-parent adoption. Each state has its own, often idiosyncratic, laws and regulations, so the author strongly encourages the reader to speak with a lawyer who specializes in same-sex surrogacy before beginning the process. To that end, he includes a section, penned by attorney Richard Vaughn of the International Fertility Law Group, devoted to the various challenges faced by same-sex parents seeking surrogacy as a possibility. Warner’s spirituality informs much of the book; he and his partner, deMarco, met their surrogate, Mary, at the Unity church in Houston, Texas, where they helped run a youth program. This spirituality grounds the book; Warner credits it for the moments of serendipity that coalesced into the “Divine providence” of his surrogacy experience. Overall, he does an excellent job of guiding the reader through the process. However, the book might have benefited from a deeper examination of Warner and deMarco’s motivations for pursuing surrogacy in the first place, as opposed to adoption. Although the book explores their decision to trade their Jeep Wrangler for a Volkswagen Routan in depth, it doesn’t explain why it was important that each father fertilize an embryo, other than to say that only one would have been “just as important, but…different.”

A quick, helpful and soulful read for same-sex couples looking to navigate the treacherous but rewarding surrogacy journey.